Butch's Blog

Sing Alleluia...

2011-10-10T19:10:00.000-07:00

Monday Night...

In prison, we have a limited choice of space and we sometimes just have to make do with what we have. This weekend it was a shrunken chapel space, about 24-feet wide and about 80 or so feet long. It's made entirely of cinder block with a few steel doors thrown in for good measure. The room, called C Pod in the real world, has some odd corners as well. So acoustics are strange, to say the least.

Our chapel services tend to be more solemn with some music, some talks, a lot of prayer, but not a lot of goofing off. Last night and today, music took center stage as the Stars learned couple of new songs, and learned how their many voices, raised in worship and praise, could create a joyous sound. So here's the setup: the song below, Sing Alleluia, is sung in a round and in one place, the two rounds come together in a thundering crescendo that can only be described as magnificent when sung by a professional or even highly skilled amateur group. But take it to prison which a bunch of older teenagers who've never heard the song before, and then throw them into a bowling alley-type room with cinder block walls. You wouldn't expect much, would you? Us neither. But I can assure you, (with no bias) that these young men rose above and beyond to sing and praise and worship in a way that made the angels sit up and take notice.

"Sing alleluia to the Lord.
Sing alleluia to the Lord

Sing alleluia, sing alleluia, sing alleluia to the Lord.

Jesus is Lord of heaven and Earth....

Praise be to God for evermore...."

Tonight it's a short blog, but there are a lot of pics to follow. One bit of amazing news: Remember Jason (not his real name)? The young man with the many and varied tattoos related to anarchy and Satan worship? He's an accomplished artist since most of his tattoos were done by himself. Today, he spent nearly an hour drawing a cross with a heart in the center. I pray he continues to let the Holy Spirit invade him. Because I saw today first-hand evidence that God is hard at work inside of Jason. And it appeared to me today, God was winning! Sing alleluia!!

Our main room, before we move in.

Our bowling alley-like chapel.

Our esteemed Assistant Lay Director, Chuck, proving once again how handy he is not.

This is what each cell looks like.

It takes a lot of soda.

Final day, before Stars arrive.

A poster sent to the Stars to demonstrate God's love.

Fruits of the Spirit -- Table of Patience.

Trisha, Missie and Tonya getting ready for the day.

Our chapel. On the cross on the left are nailed "Forgiveness Lists" which will later be burned.

Epiphany crosses to be given to each Star.

The Epiphany Band!

Reese, Doug and Ernestine go over last-minute details.

Scott, Wally and Earl hand write letter to each Star.

Each Star gets 30 or more hand written letters of encouragement. They cherish these letters.

Missie and Tonya prepare flowers to bring some of God's color and beauty into an otherwise really dreary place.

Nikki helps too.

The team from Culpeper Epiphany #16.

First Impressions...

2011-10-09T20:22:00.000-07:00

Sunday Night

First Impressions.

Like most of us, I easily fall prey to making assumptionsabout groups of people. Today I saw a couple of amazing things inside prison.

Two guys at my table, T. and C., are forthright to a fault.Neither are afraid to call me, or any of their fellow residents/Stars/wards onthe carpet. If you think that prison culture is some big monolithic societywhere everyone is a gangster and everyone thinks the same way, think again. T,who has been in and out of jails and prisons since he was about 11 we figuredis an interesting example. He’s a firm believer in Jesus and routinelychallenges friends intellectually. “I don’t want to be a father now,” Ioverheard him tell another Star immediately to his left during dinner. “I can’traise a child right now. Locked up. And I don’t want someone else to raise mychild. That’s not right. I need to be a good father.”

I asked him if he had a relationship with his father oranother father figure. He said no and I asked him where he’d learned so muchabout being a father. “I guess when you don’t have a father, you learn fromthat. You want to give your child everything and ‘everything’ includes being agood father. I can’t do that yet. I can’t provide for a child. I don’t blameanyone for anything they do for their children. But if you’re just out doingcrime for yourself, I can’t live with that.” Not what I expected from someonewho’d been inside prisons for almost half his young life.

I asked him how he came about his strong faith and if hismother has a strong faith. “Not as strong as it should be. I pray about that alot.”

Wow.

To my right today sat C. He’s another one who’s not afraidto challenge anyone intellectually. He said his biggest worry is that peoplewill judge him for his background, his conviction, his upbringing, hisneighborhood. “What I’m saying is that that’s not all me. I’m so much more thanthat now. I’m not going to ever get the opportunity to go to college, but thatdoesn’t mean I’m not intelligent. I grew up in the projects, but it doesn’tmean I want to be a gangster all my life. I’m in prison right now because Imade bad choices. But it doesn’t mean I always want to make bad choices. And itdoesn’t mean I’m a bad person. But no one listens.”

Across the room there’s a young man named A. He told us thisevening that he finally learned that God put him into prison to keep him safe.

“I know if I wasn’t in here, I’d be dead. They’d come to getme for what I’d done if I was outside. Just like they did to my little sisterwhen they killed her. They jumped her because they couldn’t get to me. Now I’velost everything, but I know God has a huge plan for me. He had to take all thethings I love from me just so I’d be able to understand and pay attention – my lifewas going the wrong way. God had to take that from me so I could start onwhatever it is I’m supposed to be starting on for Him.”

Wow. Pretty insightful young men today.

We often say that we, the adults, actually get more out ofthese weekends than we bring or give. Todaywas one of those times. I gained alittle more insight into the lives of young people that we don’t usually seefrom the safety of our suburbs and our SUVs. I saw some very intelligent andsensitive people – God’s children – who have so much potential and crave achance to start over again.

I have extreme faith that God will open the doors to givethem a second chance, just as he does for all of us to one degree or anotherthroughout our lives.

I also learned – again – to not be so quick to judge a bookby its cover.

Saturday Night: Be Careful What You Pray For

2011-10-08T18:21:00.000-07:00

Saturday Night

Butch’s tip for the day: Don’t challenge God. You mightactually get what you asked for.

I’m referring to last night’s prayer for God to do somethingextravagant on the first day of Culpeper Epiphany 16 inside the CulpeperJuvenile Correctional Center. Thirty young men – many of them violentoffenders. And 26 adult teamers from a wide variety of ages, genders, skintones and religious backgrounds.

I’d heard yesterdayabout a young man who is a “cutter”. A cutter is an individual, usually ateenager, who routinely harms himself or herself by cutting their skin.Wikipedia (a trusted source at this time of day) says people cut themselves “asa coping mechanism which provides temporary relief of intense feelings such asanxiety, depression, stress, emotional numbness or a sense of failure or self-loathingand other mental traits including low self-esteem or perfectionism. Self-harmis often associated with a history of trauma and abuse, including emotional andsexual abuse.”

I was hoping beyond hope that I wouldn’t be assigned to workwith him. I was told I’d recognize him easily by his swastika tattoos.

Surprise! Guess who is seated at the table I’m sharing withmy buddy Doug G and a new teamer named Nikki?

At first, he just grunted. I won’t call him by his firstname, so I’ll call him Jason. (Jason happens to be the name of the manager ofthe hotel where I’m staying, according to the Guest Directory – but this youngman could easily be a Jason). So I’m trying to make small talk and I ask Jasonwhere he’s from. “All over,” he grunts. Okaaaaayyy….this is going to go justgreat!

I guess you should expect a challenge when the kid sittingacross from you has any number of anarchy tattoos, at least 80, maybe more,cutting scars across each arm running from his wrists to his elbows, and thewords “EVIL LAND” tattooed across each knuckle when he makes a fist.

As the day progressed, Jason didn’t say much more until myfriend Reese spoke of his struggles growing up. Something touched a nerve inJason and all of the sudden, he was a new young man. We talked about hishometown and when he moved to Virginia eight years ago. We talked about his19-month-old son who got all his looks from Jason, according to him. He said hewanted to go on the Epiphany weekend to become a better father. I think justthe fact that he wants to be a better daddy is a pretty important first step.

It’s awesome and humbling when you get to see the HolySpirit so dramatically at work. It’s also more than a bit scary. Because it’sso far out of my control.

I honestly like all of my six young guys. They’re allintelligent, thoughtful and polite and I’m enjoying spending time with each.One young man, T, is witty and sharp. At one point, I asked what God looks likewhen he shows up. He answered, “To me, God is an undescribable person who comesin all shapes and sizes, sounds and more. God is the blessing you received whenyou’re sick or down and someone, out of nowhere, sends you support and love.God is every blessing you’ve received unknowingly.”

Later, I asked, “Have you ever felt God’s presence duringthe low times in your life?”

“Yeah, right now,” said one of the others named P.

Wow. First day.

Cool sidenote: supporters of Epiphany Ministry will buymeals and Bibles for the young men – called Stars. Each Star gets a ticketwhich says who provided that meal for them. Once in a while, the personsproviding the meals and the people receiving the meals are both people we know.It happened a couple of times today. So for Jenna and James R. and Dave andLaura S., three of my kids received meals you provided for them through yourdonations. When we told C. and M and H about you all and your families and thatyou bought them their Quarter Pounders with cheese (multiple sandwiches in somecases), all three were extraordinarily humbled and all asked us to pass alongtheir thanks to you. “I don’t think anyone besides my mother ever bought medinner before.”

Friday night -- Something extreme is going to happen

2011-10-07T19:00:00.000-07:00

Friday night

Twas the night before Epiphany, and all through the team, we’relooking for something, something extreme…

The night before we enter prison for a new Epiphany weekendis always weird. And this one is a little weirder than most. The facility haschecked in some new residents lately with budget cuts closing other facilities.Some of these new residents have a pretty colorful past including a high-levelgang member and a resident they’re calling a “terrorist” who seemed to have apassion for advanced weaponry. We won’t see those guys on this weekend. Theygenerally send us young men who try to be on their best behavior during theirextended stay at the Iron Bar Motel.

So with the new residents, and a new security chief at theprison, they’ve really clamped down on what we can bring inside for theweekend. The details aren’t important. Suffice it to say they’ve tightened therules significantly which has left us scrambling to make some last-minutechanges to supplies and menus.

Regardless, God is still empowering us to go inside andclaim that ground as His. But there are some on our team visibly frustrated. I’mnot in charge of anything on this weekend and I get to actually spend some timedoing real ministry work, versus running around taking on administrative tasks.That’s also given me a chance to step back and kind of watch and pray for thosein charge this weekend. Tonight I prayed that God would create somethingextravagant and extreme this weekend and that He’d use us, and all the combinedtalents He’s blessed us with, to His extraordinary glory.

And driving down Route 29 tonight and praying, it occurred tome that I was asking to be totally submissive to His will this weekend. I don’tdo that frequently enough. In fact, I don’t know if I’ve ever done that before.Totally submit to His will. Nothing else. Not what I want to do. Totalsubmission.

Culpeper is about 90 minutes from my home in Fairfax andsince we start very early in the day, and since we’re exhausted at the end ofthe day, a bunch of us usually stay at a local Best Western for the weekend. Icould save money by rooming with someone, or camping on someone’s couch. But Ilike my alone time at the end of the day so I can have a beer, watch some junkTV and decompress. With Christmas approaching and a variety of bills waiting tobe paid, I seriously considered this year saving the money and commuting eachday – and then I could spend a little more time with the family and maybe seethose friends who were in from out of town for the weekend.

Then it hit me. When I’m here, I am totally focused on whatI’m doing here. My complete priority is to be fully “here” and not worriedabout anything else. can allow myself to be totally submissive. Too often, we don't give ourselves that necessary time out to be fully immersed in service. Thankfully, my wife is fantastic about supporting thisministry and keeping up with the kids and her work and her own ministry jobs while I’m away.

So tonight, I’m going to bed early so I can be well-restedfor our early rising in the morning. And so I can be fully used however Godwants me to be used this weekend. Pray for all of us, and for 30 young men whomay never have heard before that Godloves them.

Guide to praying for Stars on Culpeper Epiphany

2011-09-19T11:32:00.001-07:00

24-Hour Prayer Vigil Suggestion and Advice

"30 minutes? In prayer? Seriously? I can barely pray for 5 minutes without getting distracted!”

Sometimes praying for a block at a time seems pretty intimidating. That’s natural. Think about it like this: Praying for 30 minutes is like sitting down and actually enjoying your coffee with an old friend at Starbucks, rather than going through the Drive-Thru and gulping it down in traffic. Somehow, as you sip coffee together, you find a lot of things to say. And, it's a whole lot more satisfying than a wave and a "Hi-how-are-you?" But if talking to God for that long seems intimidating, it's probably because we're still learning just to share ourselves with Him as we would with a friend.

Trust us, that time spent with God in prayer means a lot. It means a lot to the young people (we call them “Stars”), it means more than you’ll ever know to the Team ministering to them, and, most importantly, it means a lot to God. Throughout scripture we’re told to keep in prayer, to keep watch, to be always thankful. But still, 30 minutes? Seriously? Here are some ideas to help you get going (Hint: There are 16 ideas here, so if you spend just 2 minutes on each, you’ll be done, plus two minutes!)

1. Start out by thanking God for your day, and that you’re on the outside praying, not on the inside. Thank Him for His Grace and forgiveness in your life, and in all lives.

2. Spend a couple of minutes confessing your own sins to Him. Read 1 John 1:9. Ask His cleansing, then accept it by faith and thank Him for it.

3. Thank Him for using the Holy Spirit to change lives – yours and others.

4. Thank Him for sending Christians all over this world into dark places like prisons to preach the Gospel.

5. Ask God to specifically bless this weekend – Culpeper Epiphany.

6. Ask God to open the hearts of the Stars, and to use the Holy Spirit to guide every word spoken on the weekend.

7. Ask God to change these young men who are incarcerated, and to sustain them through the rest of their lives. Ask God to build a hedge of protection around these young men both in prison and once they return to society.

8. Ask God to soften the hearts that are hardened, to teach compassion to those who are angry, and to open the eyes of those who are blind to Him.

9. Ask Him to mend the young men who are broken because of addictions, abuse, mental illness, or simply a lack of love.

10. Ask God to touch all those in chains, fairly or not, by any type of bondage – crime, addiction, poverty, illness, etc.

11. Ask God to teach us how to have His compassion for those in prison and other people in need. Read Matthew 25 here if you’re stuck.

12. Ask God to touch the families of the Stars on Epiphany, and of those imprisoned anywhere, to show His mercy and favor on them. To those who are angry, let them be calmed. To those who are disappointed, let them be soothed. To those who don’t love, let them love again, or maybe for the first time.

13. Ask God to heal the victims of crime. Ask Jesus to use his scars to heal the scarred. Grant victims' families the forgiveness that heals.

14. Ask God for wisdom for lawmakers and judges to make the right decisions. Ask God for His blessing on police officers and those who protect our safety.

15. Ask God for His blessing and grace to come down upon the prison staff who work long hours to serve these young men. Let them not become cynical, but be empowered to serve these men in the best ways they can. Instill prudence and patience in those who guard.

16. Ask God to bless the adult men and women who will spend three days inside on Culpeper Epiphany, and their families back home. Ask that He will keep them safe and healthy and focused on their work. Ask that everything they say and do is Holy Spirit-driven and only seeks to glorify Him.

A Couple More Suggestions

First, be yourself. Talk to God like you'd talk to your best friend. Get comfortable. The stiffer you feel, the more formal your relationship will be. Sitting is fine. If kneeling helps, do it. You might want to take an hour's walk as you talk with your Friend.

Next, try praying out loud. Being able to hear yourself pray really helps. You'll find that your mind doesn't wander as easily and that you can pray more fervently. But don't feel you have to do all the talking. Be silent for a time. Sometimes God uses times of listening to implant His answers in our minds.

Thank you for praying for the Stars and for the Team. Know that we’re praying for you in return!

Epiphany 16 is coming soon!

2011-09-19T11:00:00.000-07:00

You've heard of prison ministry before. You may have even wondered: "Why bother? They don't really deserve my time or effort. They're just criminals right? They deserve to be locked up." You may have wondered whether prison ministry has any effect, if these hardened criminals can really be impacted by a loving touch.

Quite honestly, I asked myself all of those same questions at one point in time. But I've been blessed enough to see the other side of the argument -- the side that says, Jesus died for all of us, even the criminals on either side of Him on the Cross. The side that says, I don't deserve God's amazing grace any more, or any less, than those in prison, the homeless, or anyone else that is in some way different from me.

These young men are our collective responsibility -- as Christians -- but also as part of our society. If we don't tell them the Good News, trust me, there are plenty of other people in this world ready to tell them the bad.

You might think of prison as Satan's playground, and it can be, no doubt. But the God I worship and serve is bigger and more powerful than either the bars, or the bullet-proof windows, or the steel doors or the razor wire and He's arming His soldiers to go inside and do battle on His behalf. We're not the best trained army in the world. But we're the best equipped, because we've got the Holy Spirit on our side. And God claims that prison as holy ground! How do I know? I've absolutely seen it first-hand. And I'm a true skeptic. But I know that God is at work there in those young men, especially on these weekends and during follow-ups. Not all will be saved. Not all stories will be successes. But for the ones who are saved, we've been able to play a tiny part in that magnificent story.

Take a minute to watch this short video to see how Epiphany impacts the lives of those "hardened criminals".

And you can be a part of this critical ministry!

First off, we need prayer!

We're asking people to volunteer to spend 30 minutes in prayer for the CE 16 weekend. You can sign up here (http://3dayol.org/Vigil/GetVigil.phtml?pvid=6175&commid=1720)

Don't know how? Never fear! Here are some ideas.

Ideas for praying for Culpeper Epiphany

There's Good News and Bad News!

The good news is: there is plenty of money to put these weekends together. The bad news is, it's in your pockets.

As you can guess, putting these weekends on requires a substantial investment and since Epiphany is not sponsored by any one organization or one church, every dollar invested is important to the work of this ministry. Throughout the weekend, we provide meals for each Star, each one gets a birthday cake, and a birthday gift, and a Bible to call his own. Then there are all the other expenses which come with pulling together a major 3-day event for nearly 60 people. To make a financial contribution to continue the work of these volunteers, checks should be made payable to Epiphany Ministries Inc and sent c/o Butch Kinerney, 13150 Morning Spring Lane, Fairfax, VA 22033.

Thanks, in advance, for your support! We'll be posting to this site throughout the weekend to let you know how the Holy Spirit is at work!

Finally, if you'd like to join us, we spend one hour each month at the Fairfax Juvenile Detention Center (4th Sunday, meet at JDC at 1 p.m.), so you can get a taste of working with young people. If you're up for a full weekend, our next weekend is in February 2012. Drop me a note at butchkinerney@gmail.com to learn more.

The Great Moving Jesus Mystery

2011-02-23T12:06:00.000-08:00

Normally I don't update this blog too often during non-Epiphany weekends, but a controversy has erupted in our little team that I thought I'd lay out for everyone. I'll let the massive readership of this blog decide...

I apologize if this sounds like a rejected script from Scooby Doo, but I will attest (and I have about 60 witnesses) that it happened. It's the Great Moving Jesus Mystery!

Last blog I went into some detail about how much Satan was at work with us and how much we were unwelcome in his territory in Culpeper. Well, several people have asked on the team if a particular incident could be Satan's hand at work. I'm not superstitious, but I do believe in ghosts and believe that those in the afterlife can make appearances. When I was about 13 or so, I am sure my late grandfather paid me a quick visit in his driveway while I was washing his car. But I digress...

The incident in question occurred Monday, our last day in the facility, when it appeared to us at least that God had a firm command over the weekend and that Satan was pouting off in a corner somewhere. Let me set the scene -- we're in the 2D pod which is basically a large painted cinder block room with a high ceiling, and 13 individual cells around the outside. It's kind of the living room of the pod, as it were. It's basically square with windows on one side. We had about 60 or 70 people inside, sitting auditorium style on the prison's molded plastic chairs. We were beginning to wrap up the weekend and I was at the podium in the front of the room. About four or five feet to my left is a table which served as an altar with a picture of Jesus, an electric candle, a standing cross, a Bible and a little box for prayer requests and little pads of paper. In front of me and the table about five feet away is the first row of chairs. There are air-handling devices in the ceiling, but no breeze. To the rear of the room are locked cell doors and permanently sealed windows in the cells themselves, but no real gap in the door between the pod living room and the cell. So basically, air movement is non-existent.

I'm giving my closing spiel and each Star will come forward, if they choose to, and receive a small metal cross which signifies that they're accepting the love Jesus has for them. Several sentences into my script, the 8x10 picture of Jesus comes crashing down, sending broken glass flying. It had been in a wooden frame and standing on a wooden plate stand, so it was fairly secure. We quickly cleaned it up without incident, but since it happened it's caused several who were there to question the incident.

There was no one near the table. There was no breeze. No strings on the frame or anything else to pull it over (Trish and I cleaned it up and I would've noticed). And it fell backwards off the table, smashing into the cell door. Nothing thrown to knock it off.

So what was it?

a) coincidence?
b) a really ticked-off Satan?
c) the figment of our overactive imaginations and a few too many movies?
d) Christ himself trying to send a sign? (I personally think He's more subtle)

I doubt we'll solve the mystery here, but it's amusing to ponder.

In other news, our old friend from Epiphany 14, Adam, who is a strong believer, reported to us through prison staff that two guys on his pod made a decision to accept Christ over the weekend and Adam wanted to make sure we knew! God is good! All the time!

Fighting Satan

2011-02-21T20:08:00.001-08:00

I apologize to those of you who might have been looking for last night’s blog. It didn’t happen. Satan was everywhere yesterday. And while we fought our hardest, I honestly feared we’d lost. And I was tired. And some wine and some wise counsel from Doug Gaskell, Chuck Russell and Jeff Stein (we Conference Called him in from Colorado Springs) took priority over writing last night.

I guess an explanation is in order. Sunday marked an absolute low point in my prison ministry career. There was not a single event or episode, but it was an amalgamation of hundreds of tiny events throughout the day that gave us all pause and made us wonder what we were doing wrong, whether we were the right ones to be inside with this crew, whether we had the skills or the calling to do this at all. Simply put, some of the Stars were battling us at every turn. Not physically, but everything said and done was challenged. Our Stars chatted during quiet times. They banged drums and when the drums were taken away, they banged trash cans. They cursed openly. They ignored us when we told them it was inappropriate to wear their pants well below where they should be worn. At times they were antagonistic, almost to the point of combative. Never, ever, have I felt such animosity from a group of kids (not all of the kids, but an uncomfortably large percentage). By day’s end, we were beyond exhausted – emotionally, physically and spiritually. By the time the Stars left for the day and we met to regroup, I feared a team coup. I stood behind the Chapel podium to deflect any incoming missiles. Thankfully, the team was gracious to me, even though almost everyone was beyond frustrated.

For nearly an hour, we debated. Should we send some of them back to their cells – effectively ending their Epiphany weekend? Should we have the Corrections Officer speak to them? Individually? En masse? I’d already had one, what we call CTJ meeting with them. Was another in order? (A CTJ is a “Come to Jesus” meeting where the riot act is read in an attempt to bring ill behavior under control. It didn’t work, by the way). I feared a few teamers might not come back.

After an hour’s discussion, we’d begun to rally. We’d talked about our struggles with the Stars and we agreed that Satan was hard at work – not on the Stars, but on us. We recognized that we were treading on his home turf, and that he was particularly angry with us. He was tempting us: tempting us to quit, tempting us to send some kids off, tempting us to lose our cool, tempting us to divide amongst ourselves. And he almost won.

Slowly though, the momentum in the room shifted. We agreed that Satan was winning. And if we gave up, then he would have his way. We agreed that if we turned our backs on the troublemakers, that we’d be doing the same thing that’d been done to them their entire lives. We agreed that Christ called us to be in this ministry, and that he never promised us it would be easy, but he promises us that He’d be there with us. We agreed finally, that Christ won people over by loving even the unlovable. And that we absolutely are called to follow that example, and to be Christ-like in our actions. We had to love the hell out of them.

At the end of our meeting, our Corrections Officer, we called him “Q” asked if he could speak. He’d been lurking in the doorway at the back of the chapel and I asked him to join us if he wanted. He’d been with us for two days and had been amazingly supportive. Well what he said blew us away. “Please, trust me. I know these guys. And you may not see it, but you’re making a difference in the lives of these guys. They’re changing because of you. It’s important that you’re here. They may not even know it yet, but I can see it. You’re getting to them. Please keep going.”

So that’s where we ended last night. And it wasn’t a story with a happy ending. And so far, I’d never written a negative blog about prison ministry. And I wasn’t ready to start, quite frankly.

This morning, with some rest, we jumped back in to the deep end, feet first. And something happened. I can’t explain it. The faces were the same. The names were the same. But the kids were different. You could hear a pin drop during Chapel time. They followed directions. Their language had changed, but more importantly, their tone had changed. They weren’t abusive or abrasive. They asked good questions. They laughed with us, not at us. They sang songs and participated. They stood arm-in-arm when they sang “Lean On Me”. They were honest with us. Their walls came down a little. They began to trust us a little.

It would be easy to explain if Q had gone and intervened on our behalf. But he didn’t. It would be easy to explain if they had gotten together back in their building at day’s end and decided to change. But they didn’t. There’s no chance the same conversation occurred simultaneously in 12 different pods in three different buildings. I can only thank God for listening to our prayers and for Him rewarding us for sticking with it, in spite of what some of us (myself included at some points) wanted to do.

So today, we knew God had taken control of the weekend and, as we often say, claimed that place as His holy ground. And through the day, we heard one of the most smart-alecky kids announce, “Those of you who know me, know I joke around a lot. But I need to be serious here for a minute. I was raised in a church, but left it a long time ago and for the past few years I’ve been studying paganism…Today, I want to tell all of you. I’ve decided to go back and follow Christ again. And you nice people led me to that place.”

There is an oft-repeated story by a scientist/poet named Loren Eiseley dating to 1969 called “Star Thrower”. It goes something like this, though the original is more complex. The moral is the same.

Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work. One day he was walking along the shore. As he looked down the beach, he saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself to think of someone who would dance to the day. So he began to walk faster to catch up. As he got closer, he saw that it was a young man and the young man wasn't dancing, but instead he was reaching down to the shore, picking up something and very gently throwing it into the ocean.

As he got closer, he called out, "Good morning! What are you doing?" The young man paused, looked up and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean."

"I guess I should have asked, Why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?"

"The sun is up and the tide is going out. And if I don't throw them in they'll die."

"But young man, don't you realize that there are miles and miles of beach and starfish all along it. You can't possibly make a difference!"

The young man listened politely. Then bent down, picked up another starfish and threw it into the sea, past the breaking waves. "It made a difference for that one!"

When you know for sure...

2011-02-19T17:43:00.000-08:00

There are a few times in life when you absolutely know – without question – that the Holy Spirit has entered the room. Unfortunately, I’m guessing most of us , myself especially, are too preoccupied with a thousand other things to notice. Today, I vowed to try to live more in the moment more and not to get too Martha-ish (if you know the story in Luke of Jesus visiting Mary and Martha, you’ll get that reference.) So here I am today trying to be in the moment, and without a doubt, I can tell you the moment the Holy Spirit made itself apparent to me in the prison. I say “made apparent to me” because I believe God was always present, but I had a hard time seeing Him earlier in the day.

Mid-afternoon, during my friend Missie’s talk, I know the Spirit made its presence known widely. Missie was talking about her troubled youth and friends she’d lost to addictions. She was blunt. And honest. And real. No sugar coating. And for the first time today, the Stars saw we were for real.

When I first asked Missie to do this talk, she was hesitant to accept. It’s tough airing your laundry in front of a room of 60 people. I didn’t even know her story, but I knew she had something someone needed to hear. I encouraged her to be honest and to tell the truth. And she knocked it out of the park and clear into the next county. The Stars hung on every word as she described her youth, and how God had picked her up, dusted her off, and saved her life.

All I could think was, “Wow.”

Her testimony was raw and real, and the exact thing the Stars needed to hear at that exact moment. God works that way. And I clearly saw the Spirit overtake the room, and open some hearts.

I’d heard her talk during a practice session and it was terrific. But it was so much more in context.

God is good. All the time.

For those interested in my color-coded schedule, well, let me tell you: My organizational skills were shot all to hell this morning when we started 90 minutes late. Or maybe when it was when the guards took half the Stars out of the building to get their meds. Or maybe it was when we found out that McDonald’s lost our order and that they had just started cooking some 200 Quarter-Pounders with Cheese at the same time our volunteer food runners were supposed to be leaving the McD’s to bring them to us. I don’t remember. But I tore up the schedule several times today. And probably will tomorrow too.

Other wacky events: normally we bring in all the food for the weekend, or have it delivered. Today the prison staff insisted we offer the Stars the “State meal” if they chose that instead of ours. Ok fine, we can do that. No sweat. Then we made the mistake of seeing what the “state” dinner offering was. According to some of the kids, it was Salisbury Steak night. Ummm, not what we found inside the Styrofoam boxes. Not sure how to describe it – hardened lava comes to mind. The kids affectionately call it “meat rocks”.

Final story – will end on a high note – One young Star called our Spiritual Director aside at one point this afternoon and asked to speak to him in private. He told Reese that he’d been raised a Christian, but had fallen away many years ago. Lately he’d been studying the Koran and consider himself a Muslim. But, “today, after listening to you all, I think I should try following Jesus again.”

Amen!

My Martha-ness

2011-02-18T18:32:00.000-08:00

Once again it’s the night before we go into prison. Except this time I have the dual blessing/curse of being the leader of this pack of faithful who are called to put Matthew 25 into action. It’s a blessing and an honor to serve them as leader – I have absolutely never met a more dedicated bunch in my life. These folks would do pretty much anything for a group of kids – largely forgotten by the rest of the world – that they’ve never met. It’s a curse because, as leader, they actually expect me to lead. And leadership includes lots of details, lots of management and lots and lots of paper.

Last night, Jeanie Osbourne stopped over to leave some encouraging letters for the Stars and we got to talking about weddings. A mutual friend of ours (one of our church’s teens who is growing into a fantastic woman right before our eyes) asked for advice as she plans her own wedding. Jeanie said the best advice she got is to step back and just watch and take it all in occasionally, because otherwise, you miss it.

I was blessed today to receive the photographs used in this video. They’re from the last Epiphany weekend at Culpeper and I spent a good deal of time looking at each one today. I’m so glad I was able to get them – the prison’s volunteer coordinator Sarah graciously provided them – but I’m a bit saddened that I only remember the chaos of that weekend, not the joy. Meredith said when she saw one, “That smile says it all.” I’m sorry I missed the original smile, although I’m glad it was captured digitally.

So my vow this weekend is to not get too caught in the chaos to miss the Holy Spirit at work. I need to be more Mary, less Martha. Keep praying for us!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nc5kE0lX1-0

A Prayer Guide for Culpeper Epiphany 15

2011-02-13T20:49:00.000-08:00

We're asking people to volunteer to spend 30 minutes in prayer for the CE 15 weekend. Don't know how? Never fear! Here are some ideas.

24-Hour Prayer Vigil Suggestion and Advice

"30 minutes? In prayer? Seriously? I can barely pray for 5 minutes without getting distracted!”

1. Start out by thanking God for your day, and that you’re on the outside praying, not on the inside. Thank Him for His Grace and forgiveness in your life, and in all lives.

2. Spend a couple of minutes confessing your own sins to Him. Read 1 John 1:9. Ask His cleansing, then accept it by faith and thank Him for it.

3. Thank Him for using the Holy Spirit to change lives – yours and others.

4. Thank Him for sending Christians all over this world into dark places like prisons to preach the Gospel.

5. Ask God to specifically bless this weekend – Culpeper Epiphany #15.

6. Ask God to open the hearts of the Stars, and to use the Holy Spirit to guide every word spoken on the weekend.

8. Ask God to soften the hearts that are hardened, to teach compassion to those who are angry, and to open the eyes of those who are blind to Him.

9. Ask Him to mend the young men who are broken because of addictions, abuse, mental illness, or simply a lack of love.

10. Ask God to touch all those in chains, fairly or not, by any type of bondage – crime, addiction, poverty, illness, etc.

11. Ask God to teach us how to have His compassion for those in prison and other people in need. Read Matthew 25 here if you’re stuck.

12. Ask God to touch the families of the Stars on CE 15, and of those imprisoned anywhere, to show His mercy and favor on them. To those who are angry, let them be calmed. To those who are disappointed, let them be soothed. To those who don’t love, let them love again, or maybe for the first time.

13. Ask God to heal the victims of crime. Ask Jesus to use his scars to heal the scarred. Grant victims' families the forgiveness that heals.

14. Ask God for wisdom for lawmakers and judges to make the right decisions. Ask God for His blessing on police officers and those who protect our safety.

16. Ask God to bless the adult men and women who will spend three days inside on CE 15, and their families back home. Ask that He will keep them safe and healthy and focused on their work. Ask that everything they say and do is Holy Spirit-driven and only seeks to glorify Him.

A Couple More Suggestions

Thank you for praying for the Stars and for the Team. Know that we’re praying for you in return!

2011-02-13T19:28:00.000-08:00

Culpeper Epiphany #15 is coming!

2011-01-29T23:05:00.000-08:00

My dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ,

As you read this, there is a group of about 30 Christian adults from as far away as Bowie, Md., and Fredericksburg to participate in a unique ministry – one which will change our lives, and hopefully the lives of the people we’ll be touching. Off a rural road, about seven miles from Culpeper, rolling, bucolic farmland dotted with small homes gives way to massive concrete and cinder block buildings surrounded with guard towers and razor wire. Behind these walls live some of Virginia’s toughest criminals, both juveniles and adults.

Dope dealers? Yep.

Sex offenders? Unfortunately, yes.

Gang bangers? You betcha.

Murderers? Undoubtedly.

Children of the Risen Lord? Absolutely.

Epiphany Ministry targets youth offenders incarcerated in one of Virginia’s juvenile correctional centers. Like it’s cousins – Kairos for adult prisoners, and Walk to Emmaus as well as scores of other 4^th Day communities for the rest of us – Epiphany is an intense, 3-day short course in Christianity. For the “Stars”, as the participants are called, Epiphany is a chance to spend time with committed Christians – and to learn that all of us -- even though we may look different or come from different circumstances and backgrounds – have two things in common: our sinfulness, and God’s redeeming grace. That’s a heady message for an 18-year-old who may never have heard that anyone loves him, or that he has a reason for being beyond the next drug deal.

For those of us who participate, we find that we too are changed. Since my first weekend inside in 2007, it never fails – you get a front row seat to watch the Holy Spirit impact the hearts of young men who would’ve said on the first day that they never could have been touched that way.

But the 4^th Day doesn’t stop there. Epiphany teamers keep in contact with the Stars throughout their incarceration, and even beyond. Through follow-up reunions, letters and visits, we’re able to be God’s hands and feet and develop meaningful relationships with guys who may never have known an adult who truly cares about them, or one who is able to keep their word.

This month, we’re headed back inside to reach out to 30 new young men (unfortunately, there’s a constant supply of new guys who need to hear God’s message). I have the extraordinary blessing to empower their ministry efforts as the Lay Leader for Culpeper Epiphany 15,

In addition to their service, we can use your prayers and hands too – all without ever having to come inside the facility (but if you ever want to, we make that happen easily too!)

Like Emmaus weekends, we have a 24-hour prayer vigil which begins on Friday, February 18 and continues through 5 p.m. on Monday, February 21. Please pray for the Stars, the team, the speakers, the facility staff, and all involved in the weekend and in this ministry here and across the country. To pray during a specific time, please send me an email at the address below.

We depend on donations from the faithful to make this weekend a reality. A $50 donation pays for a Star’s weekend, or to assist a pay the team fee. For $25, a Star gets a brand-new NIV Student Bible which becomes one of their most treasured possessions. Dinner costs $10, lunch $5. Since we’re trying to show some agape love for these young brothers-in-Christ, prison food is out for the weekend, McDonald’s, Papa John’s, and other familiar foods fill the menu.

Finally, one of the most moving pieces of the weekend is the agape given to the Stars from Christian communities around the world. Posters, signs, cards, banners and letters from strangers hammer home the point of God’s love for all of his children. Agape letters should not be personalized (we’ll fill in names later), and in open envelopes. Unfortunately we can’t accept traditional trinkets because they violate prison rules. But the Stars love receiving personal, written agape. If you’re moved to write to the Stars, please provide 30 pieces of nearly identical agape.

How do you get it to prison? You can email at butchkinerney@gmail.com, or mail it to me. Checks can be made to Epiphany Ministry. Any mail can be sent directly to me: Butch Kinerney, 13150 Morning Spring Lane, Fairfax, VA 22033. If you have something that absolutely must get there for CE15, let me know by phone (571-437-8924) or email and we’ll figure out a way to get it to us.

You can follow our adventures through the weekend and learn more about Epiphany at http://butchkinerney.blogspot.com.

Thank you, in advance, for your prayers and support! And may God continue to shower His grace and blessings upon us all!

2010-10-13T05:13:00.000-07:00

Team from Culpeper Epiphany 14

2010-10-11T19:51:00.000-07:00

So I’m tempted (seriously) to blow off writing tonight. I’m beat tired after another very long day helping to coordinate another very long day of folks ministering to juvenile offenders who are now in state custody. And not everything went perfectly, which you may have noticed frustrates the life out of me sometimes. So today was filled with mixed emotions. Extreme high-highs and very low-lows. The negative emotions are all in some way related to me or my reactions to things which occurred over the weekend. But while this blog is by me, it’s not about me. So I’m going to focus on what I should be focusing on – what God’s doing in that facility – and not focus on what’s of limited long-term importance: me.

I usually try to relate the day to a song of some kind, as I love music – even though my only talent in a band might be playing strobe light. But I haven’t found one yet that really strikes a chord. So if one hits, then I’ll mention it later. That's why this entry remains untitled.

This weekend ended on a spiritual and emotional high for most of the Stars, even though we all agreed that this weekend’s group was rowdier than most. We experienced more disciplinary issues this weekend than in the past, and the young men just seemed more agitated in general. Culpeper’s Volunteer Coordinator, a fantastic state employee named Sara who worked very hard on our behalf to make the weekend go smoothly, said October was “Gang Initiation Month.” I asked jokingly if that was officially designated. “I don’t think so, but everyone around here certainly knows it.”

But in spite of the unofficial October designation, God was having an impact on the Stars.

“I just want to thank you all,” said one Star to the other Stars, “for letting your guard down a little bit here, for not having to act all gangster, for just being cool with each other.”

Another said, “I came in here this weekend not speaking to (another Star). Now we’re getting along and we might be able to continue that.”

I neglected to mention yesterday, my favorite event of the weekend, the Birthday Party where we take about 45 minutes to celebrate each kid’s birth with a little party, a cake with their name on it, some ice cream, streamers, a birthday card and a t-shirt in a gift bag. It’s always amazing, especially for the kids who have never had a party in their honor, or anyone to sing them “Happy Birthday,” or have never been given a gift without strings attached. Unfortunately, there are way too many kids in Culpeper to whom this applies.

During the party, we have dance music playing and many of the kids get up to dance, and often the adults join in. The first time I saw this, I could swear I saw the Holy Spirit fly right through the room – as the visages of these young men, old beyond their years, turned from sadness to unspeakable joy – all because someone reached out to love them just for being them.

I saw it again yesterday. And even now, it takes my breath away.

And seeing my friend Chuck Russell get chanted into dancing down the center aisle between two lines of clapping Stars and Teamers is beyond priceless. If you know Chuck, you’ll know why that’s funny.

Years ago, on Culpeper Epiphany 11, I was blessed to have a young man named “M” at my table. He also goes by “Z” and I wrote about him frequently during that Epiphany and subsequently. He’s an extraordinarily bright and articulate young man, thoughtful, kind, and wise beyond his years – both in a street-wise sense, but also in an old soul sense. I’ve maintained a relationship with him through the years and I will miss him when he goes home in the spring, though we've promised to keep in touch. I'm blessed to know him and to call him my Brother in Christ. Today, M/Z gave a talk to the new Stars. It’s always risky to let a Star give one of the final talks, but in his case, we were pretty confident that he’d do well.

Doing well doesn’t begin to cover it. What a change we’ve seen in M/Z over the years. When we first met him, he was shy, a touch nerdy, and certainly not one who'd get up in front of a crowd to speak. Today, he said how nervous he was, and that he didn't like speaking in public, but he thought he had some things others might learn from. He said he'd believed in God, but he admitted that he’d struggled with his faith when he was told by a judge not long ago that he’d be spending an additional year in prison. He said he wondered where God was for him during this. Why would a loving God make him stay on the inside?

But then he challenged the other Stars (quite effectively) to think differently:

“How many of you know that if you weren’t in here, you’d be dead right now?”

A smattering of hands went up.

“How many of you know that if you’d gotten popped 18 months or two years later, you wouldn’t be here, you’d be at DOC (Department of Corrections – the Adult prison) doing 20 to 30 (years)?”

A large number of hands went up.

“How many of you prayed that you’d get caught and sent to prison when you did?”

No hands.

“How many of you blamed God for getting caught and sent here?”

Some hesitant hands.

“Do you see, that sometimes God doesn’t answer the prayer that you’re praying. Sometimes His plan for you is a whole lot better than your plan for you. Sometimes you just have to trust that His purpose is bigger than yours. I had to re-learn that here recently. You see God put us in here not only to keep us locked in, but also to keep Satan locked out. ”

“My momma is always preaching to me. I hate that,” M/Z said. “But she said this one thing that has stuck with me: A setback ain’t nothing but a set-up for a comeback. God’s got a bigger plan for me and you here.”

Wow.

Our weekend Spiritual Director, and my friend, Reese repeated this thought several times today: You might have done what they said you did. But you aren’t who they say you are.

M/Z is living proof of this, as are so many of the other Stars and Teamers this weekend.

I pray they all heard that message.

Oh no, You never let go...

2010-10-10T18:58:00.000-07:00

So I more or less gave up on my schedule today. As long as things more or less occurred in the order in which they were supposed to, and as long as burgers were served on time and Stars went back to their pods on time, I was good. Everything else today was in the Holy Spirit’s hands.

We started our morning by learning that a teamer’s daughter, who’d been on the wrong path in her life, and who’d had the wrong lovers, had decided to kick out her latest live-in relationship, and go to church today. What a praise!

I mentioned that my color-coded schedule was taking a reduced focus today. Part of the reason for this is my relationship, small though it is, with a young man named “M”. Same “M” from yesterday. He was having a great day today, really into the messages and the speakers. But Satan took a hold for one brief minute and caused him to act out against a member of the facility staff. Just a verbal confrontation, but enough to get him into serious trouble and jeopardizing his weekend with us. We’re still praying for him. Amanda, my new teamer friend, is especially troubled by this. She and I prayed hard together that he would be able to finish the weekend with us.

Speaking of prayer, my Emmaus friend Doug gave one of the best talks on prayer I’ve ever heard. I won’t go into specifics about his testimony because I don’t think he’d like for me to share without his permission. Suffice it to say he’s been through a number of challenges in the past and recently, and God keeps reaching out to him. Though his faith may get rattled, God never lets go. And Doug is a living testimony. And the Stars hung on every word he said. Amazing how the struggles of a middle-aged white guy can touch the hearts of a large group of mostly minority teenagers. God never lets go.

Just as I was writing the above passage about “M” earlier, before I got back to my hotel, I looked up, and “M” was being allowed to re-join the group. What a praise! I later grabbed him by the scruff of the neck, told him I was glad he was able to stay, and not to screw up again. I admit I used more colorful language. He promised we wouldn’t have another problem and I’ll hold him to that. I know God won’t let him go tonight. He hasn’t yet.

Other highlights: immediately after supper, we give the Stars an opportunity to tell what Christ has done for them over the weekend, and if they’ve learned anything. Beyond the usual thank-yous we get (though we implore them to give God the glory, not us), we had a couple of wonderful moments. Several of the Stars talked about how they were going to work to change their lives so that when they got outside, they wouldn’t return.

“If I knew going to church could be this fun, I would’ve gone a long time ago.”

“I’d never seen my name on a birthday cake before, that was really special.”

“I have this bad problem shoplifting. I sometimes just can’t resist. So pray that I stop doing it. And pray that you never see me at a shopping mall in your area.”

God never let's go of a sense of humor either.

I somehow think that given what I’ve seen happen this weekend, God’s gotten a hold of a number of our young Stars. Not all of them, but a large number. And I know He never lets go….

You Never Let Go

By Matt Redman

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won't turn back
I know you are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We'll live to know You here on the earth

Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

I know my redeermer lives...

2010-10-09T18:39:00.000-07:00

I know my redeemer lives…

I’ve been seeing Him all day.

Good evening and thanks for stopping by. It’s the end of Day 1 of Culpeper Epiphany #14 and I’m exhausted, but filled with God’s Holy Spirit and humbled, yet again, at how He moves in such amazing and amusing ways.

For this weekend, I have the job as Assistant Lay Director, which basically means that it’s my job to keep the trains running on time and on the right track. Sounds simple, but it means juggling 60-some people and making sure everyone’s tiniest needs are taken care of, all of the events happen in order, that meals are served at the right time, that the toilet flushes, and just about everything in between. There’s not a lot of glamor. There’s also very little time to take anything in, or to get to know any of the Stars much personally. While other team members are ministering to the Stars, hearing their stories, telling them about how Christ has worked in their lives, I’m usually deep into my color-coded schedule on my official brown clipboard trying to figure out how we’re going to make up five minutes to get back on schedule.

The schedule for weekends like this, as anyone who has ever led or teamed on an Emmaus or Chrysalis weekend knows, revolves almost completely around when the next meal will be served. Yep, it’s true: hamburgers trump the Holy Spirit when it comes to the schedule.

And those of you who know me well know that I can be a little anal about my schedule from time to time. I went to the trouble to color-code it, dang it. The least everyone could do is fall in line behind it.

I come from a paramilitary background in some parts of my life, both in the fire service and in emergency management. In those two areas, there’s absolutely no tolerance for what’s called “freelancing.” That’s when someone does something just because they think it’s a good idea, without consulting the leader (called the Incident Commander in fire/emergency management parlance). Unbeknownst to me, lay ministry embraces the concept, or at least generally tolerates it, all to the detriment of my precious schedule. Did I mention that I color coded it?

And I’ve learned today that God, too, mocks my color-coded schedule on the official brown clipboard. He started off our day by sending our last Star directly from solitary confinement -- a full hour after we were supposed to begin. Already, my color-coded schedule was wrong. But the late-comer, “M” seemed to be fitting in well and getting a lot out of the day.

We were able to make up the time, actually got ahead of schedule at one point, and finished the day just before the Corrections Officers change shift. That makes them happy when we’re done on time.

I’ll get back to the schedule in a moment, but first I need to tall you about a couple of cool kids. “N” wears size 13 shoes. Except he doesn’t. He wears plastic sandals that I would call shower shoes. I asked him and he said the prison doesn’t have shoes big enough to fit him. They did have a ladies size 16 that he tried for awhile, but they hurt his feet. I didn’t think size 13 shoes were that big for a tall young man.

My close friend Chuck Russell started our day off with a talk on goals which seemed to strike a chord with a number of Stars. Chuck talked about his unreached goal of becoming a professional athlete, but how he later reached his real goal of being a husband, father, and successful financial manager. The Stars began discussing their own goals and I wanted to share a couple: One wanted to be a millionaire “So I don’t have to steal everything like I used to have to do.” Small victories. Another “M” said he’d heard his true calling and wanted to enter the seminary to become a minister. Bigger victory. One young man was working to become an electrician. “TD” wanted to write a book to educate others and keep them out of trouble. “T” wants to be the first in his family to graduate college. One had a funny reason to not want a BMW – “because that stands for bus, Metro and walk.” One star said his life goal was simply “to be good. To step out in the right lane. I want to pay a mortgage for myself instead of paying rent to someone else. I want to pay for my own car loan. I don’t have to be a rich dude, just an okay dude.”

Finally, remember “M” from up above? At one point this evening, a brand new teamer named Amanda came up to me and said he wanted to speak to her privately. Since Amanda is new, I don’t know her well, but she always struck me as a somewhat shy, mid-20s woman. Nothing about her stands out particularly. She’s very pleasant, but I didn’t know anything else about her.

When she said “M” wanted to talk privately, I told her to find another adult to be in the same room (we never allow an adult to meet with a kid alone without another adult either present or within very close shouting distance). She went with “M” and another adult who also happens to be a young 20s woman. After a moment I began to question if that was the smartest move I’d ever made, and I sent a third person to check on them – Bill. Bill’s a veteran teamer and well versed at handling pretty much whatever might come up. I went back to check on them several times, and 30 minutes later Amanda and “M” were still deep in conversation.

Later, Bill told me what a great job Amanda had done ministering to "M" and how mature and thoughtful their discussion had been. I went over to give her that feedback and congratulate her when she nearly broke into tears. She said both she and “M” had shared many of the same struggles in life and she gave him advice on how she’d worked through them. “It was so cool that God put us together like that. We could relate about so many things. I told him all about how to read the Book of James. I never in my life would’ve thought I could connect so well with someone over something in such a short amount of time. I know that God put him and I together for a purpose…”

So I guess sacrificing my schedule to satisfy God’s plan that “M” should join us for the weekend, and to satisfy God’s plan for Amanda to share His love to him, was worth it in the end.

But did I mention it was color-coded? And on the official brown clipboard?

2010-09-30T11:30:00.000-07:00

Check out the Epiphany Ministry video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Qq4_5n9O7g

Check out Butch's video interpretation of MercyMe's Beautiful here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DLmuFnUtyPo&feature=related.

Team from Culpeper Epiphany #13

2010-02-17T20:05:00.000-08:00

The Team from Culpeper Epiphany #13

2010-02-17T20:03:00.000-08:00

"How Great is Our God"

2010-02-15T18:37:00.000-08:00

It's always a tear-filled event when our weekend inside prison ends. The young Stars are determined to stall the inevitable as long as possible and they get creative in how they accomplish that. The pattern rarely varies.

When a Star first greets you at the beginning of the weekend, they might extend their hands for a brief handshake. As they warm up to us, they'll usually do a more complicated handshake -- actually a four-step process which includes a standard handshake, morphing into a more urban handshake, then a one-arm hug and back slap, finished off by a fingertip grab. Apparently it's called a "Dap with a Pound Hug." Regardless, it's meant as a sign of respect and friendship, but it stops short of true affection because of the safety space built in by maintaining the handshake during the hug. That keeps an acceptable distance and ensures that no one might confuse you with a non-manly, male hugger.

That all stops by the end of the weekend when grown adults -- prisoners, team, men and women -- embrace openly and tightly, often dabbing at their tear-filled eyes in the process.

Eyes were puffy all around today. The team was suffering from a complete lack of rest over the event-filled three day weekend. Local team members drive home each night while out-of-towners usually stay at the Best Western or bunk with local teamers for the weekend. But even with a place to rest, we usually don't get a lot of sleep -- prepping for the next day, worrying about and praying for the Stars, making food, last-minute shopping trips, and in my case much of the above and blogging. Both the Stars and Team also suffered from an extraordinary increase in severe allergy attacks manifested by significant eye watering, especially as the day came to an end.

Two observations worthy of sharing:

I mentioned earlier that I was up late last night worrying and praying for one Star in particular. R had pretty well tuned out yesterday. His body was there, but his spirit definitely wasn't. He chose to not participate in one of the key activities yesterday and I was convinced he wouldn't be back for the last day. I prayed much of the night that whatever was bugging him would be removed and that he would come back. God is good and R returned. Still quiet, but at least he was there. I was bowled over a few minutes later when R asked to catch up and participate in a continuation of the activity that he'd rejected yesterday. God was truly at work in him, and I thanked Him for the blessing of seeing His work first hand.

On the first morning, before the Stars arrived, I decided to pray over each chair at our table. I prayed specifically over the chairs on either side of mine, asking God to send the right two guys to sit next to me, the ones I could speak to best. The first-arriving young man took a seat and we chatted and got to know each other. We both share a loathing for mathematics, I learned, and that made us fast friends, especially when I explained to him that you didn't necessarily need to be a math wiz to be successful in life and in a career.

The other young man to enter, was one of the last Stars to arrive for the weekend. In my small-mindedness, I decided God must have made some mistake because this was not the kid I was supposed to be paired with. There's no way I could help him. He's too tough. Too "street". Too different from me. Last year I sat next to an incredible guy named Z who was smart, educated, well-read, the perfect guy for me to spend some time with. This guy, T, wasn't him.

Damn, I'm stupid sometimes.

T turned out to be an incredible man of God, well-versed in the Bible and of very strong faith. We had some terrific discussions about faith, differences in denominations and other highly sophisticated topics, both about religion and other areas. I mentioned him in yesterday's blog when I told you about the young Star who offered (in his best street vernacular) to pray for or with the other Stars because he understood how tough prison can be, and how hard it is to stay on the right path.

T loves to sing and is obviously a leader among his peers. I'm glad he's going to carry the message back to his pod, but also serve as an example. T loved singing and the music he heard this weekend so much that he was even trying to find a way to take a full song book back to his cell. Chris Tomlin was a name he'd never heard before the weekend, certainly never had sung one of his songs. Now he's a fan. (More in a moment on this).

He was one of the most humbled by the hundreds of gifts of love small and large he received over the weekend. He wanted as many specific details as he could find on each person -- did I know them, where are they from, why are they doing this for me, how can I contact them to thank them, and more. He truly seemed shocked that anyone could care for him. Today he admitted that he was overcome with gratitude, "You're trying to pull the emotional out of me today."

On Sunday, the Stars receive a large bundle of mail addressed specifically to them. The mail comes from all over, from people like you, who write to let the Stars know that God still loves them. Two Stars at our table wouldn't read their mail in front of the others, fearful of tears that might seep out in front of their friends and cell mates. Weakness is not an admired trait in prison, for obvious reasons. But those two clutched their pouches almost the way a new mother guards her baby. These were clearly treasures. But exploring the riches would have to wait for a more private time and place.

For one Star, J, he obviously enjoyed reading the first few, but then decided he wanted to stretch out the good feelings for longer than the 30 or so minutes set aside today for reading. He did some quick match and decided that he could read three a day and savor them for a week or so.

T read each one carefully, almost precisely, devouring each one completely. He folded each one, tucking it cautiously back into its envelope, softly singing a newly learned Chris Tomlin song to himself.

"How great is our God,
sing with me
How great is our God,
and all will see
How great,
How great is our God

Name above all names
Worthy of all praise
My heart will sing
how great is our God
Name above all names
you are worthy of all praise
and my heart will sing
how great is our God"

"P.S. I've changed" Part Two

2010-02-14T19:16:00.000-08:00

So today was full of mixed emotions for me on the second day of Culpeper Epiphany 13.

First the bad news: I want to beat several young men about the head with a fairly large stick right about now.

First is R who was one of our Stars two walks ago in February 2009. R is a bright young guy, caring, nice family. He was close to getting out of prison in the spring of 2009 but was denied parole for a few more months because one of his counselors thought he needed a little more time and work before he should return home. Despite the disappointment he seemed to be doing well, keeping his nose clean, getting ready for a new hearing soon. Last week we heard that he'd been charged with dealing marijuana inside the facility and that he'd been moved to another prison because he apparently started pointing fingers at other residents. That's not a good way to make friends and influence people in prison. So he's Candidate #1 for Butch's big stick.

Second is O with whom I'd shared an interest in all things firefighting. He'd asked for advice on how to become a firefighter with a felony record. Last week I'd mailed him a packet of info on how to make that happen. He's a Muslim who once said to me, "I guess all you Christians aren't so bad after all." I know I've told many of you that story. Anyway, I found out today that he's been placed in solitary confinement in the Culpeper prison for 30 days because of marijuana possession. Where's my stick? Candidate #2.

Third, as reported here last night, is N. N left our event yesterday to meet a visitor and never came back. We'd heard he'd received a charge while at visitation and wouldn't be back but we didn't know any details. Today we learned that his visitor had slipped him a lighter (smoking -- anything -- is illegal in the prison) and N decided the perfect hiding place would be (close your eyes if you're squeamish) inside his rectal area. That worked well until a suspicious corrections officer ordered a strip search and the contraband Bic lighter popped out from its hiding spot when N coughed. (You can laugh now). Not sure if I want to beat him with a stick, or just let the embarrassment and the fact that he missed the weekend serve as punishment. The young star who was telling me the story of the lost lighter then said, "Hey Butch, God's got a wicked sense of humor sometimes, doesn't he?"

The Good Stuff:

God is amazing.

That, in itself, is enough. It's hard for me to recount every detail of the ways I've witnessed God being amazing and I know I've missed some of those amazing God moments that others have seen. And it's hard for me to wrap my tiny brain around all of the magic that's occurring here. But I did want to share a couple of examples:

Linda is a member of our team. She's in her late 60s somewhere, a bit gruff on the outside, but with a true heart of gold. We enjoy teasing each other. I imagine she could rub some people the wrong way, but I don't think at this point she's too concerned about that. I rarely see many holes in the gruff exterior -- until today. In a three-part talk on Forgiveness, she told the Stars -- in explicit and very intimate detail -- of struggles she's faced throughout her life and the number of times she's had to make the choice of holding on to anger or forgiving. And she spoke eloquently of the battles that raged within her when making that choice. Over the course of nearly 60 minutes, she spoke so passionately about the topic that these young guys were absolutely in awe of what she had to say. Truly God was using her and using her struggles to teach these young men some very important lessons.

I mentioned last post about the prayer box that anyone can use to place a prayer request. At the end of each day, we split them up and pray for that request throughout the night. Tonight, as we were divvying them up, I noticed that the requests were becoming much more intimate. Instead of the generic "court date" or "sick relative" request, we heard about lost jobs, evictions, addictions, cancers and other issues. One young man asked us to keep his mother in prayer. She's an addict and he hopes she'll recover. He also asked for prayers for his two little sisters who were now in the foster care system. He said he was worried he would never see them again....

Let me tell you, I looked at every grown man in the room this evening -- many veterans of wars -- not one could contain their tears. And that a young guy (especially this one) would be willing to share that with us, and ask God to handle it, was just amazing.

Earlier in the evening, same kid is addressing the entire room and he admits that he rarely speaks in public, but that tonight he's not nervous at all.

"A couple of nights before this, I was really doubting that God existed. I don't pray much. But I did this night and I asked God to give me a sign that He is real. I got it here this weekend."

A young man from my table, T, was speaking to the entire room too. He has a deep abiding faith I've learned. His speech and mannerisms are anything but sophisticated, but his words cut through to soul.

"It's hard in here, you know what I'm saying. It's hard in here with the stress and the mess. Reports and court dates and trying to not get charged for stuff, you know what I'm saying. I just want to let you know that we need to stick together. If you ever need someone to pray with you or for you, look me up."

Finally, this is a follow-up from a post from a year ago when I talked about a letter written by one of last year's Stars D who was assisting today in food prep and back room support. Last year he'd sent us a letter at the end of the weekend saying "P.S. I've changed."

Tonight he spoke again. "I just wanted to let you know that I really have changed my way of thinking. I've dedicated my life to following Jesus. I'm trying not to cuss anymore. And trying to not get charged. And trying to be there for these new guys on their walks. It's not easy, but I'm still trying."

So are we...

2010-02-13T17:26:00.000-08:00

So I'm so small-minded. I am consistently pushed way beyond my comprehension level by God and His complete awesomeness.

Today was Day 1 on the inside of Culpeper Epiphany 13 and in addition to being worried that we weren't prepared (which I talked about yesterday) none of us in the Best Western slept particularly well. At about 1:30 a.m., some couple began arguing outside my door and continued the argument inside for another 30 minutes or so. If I wasn't so tired, it might have been interesting, but I just wanted them to shut up. The singular joy of waking up at 5:30 this morning was that I knew the clattering water pipes would wake up Mr. & Mrs. Mike Tyson next door when I took my shower. But I digress...

This is the fourth Epiphany I've been involved in since 2007, and it's undoubtedly the best one I've ever been a part of. And we, the mere human team, can take absolutely not a dime of credit for its success. God's fingerprints are all over it.

We started the morning with a handful of logistical issues, nothing critical, and 24 guys. We lost one mid-day who left the event to see some visitors and he apparently got into some sort of trouble on the way. It's unfortunate because he was so enthusiastic and such a leader and seemed to be enjoying himself so much. I know God doesn't need any of us to get His point across, but I wish this young fellow (R for short) had been able to stay.

As for the remaining 23, these guys hit the ground running from the moment they entered the room and were on fire from the first song on. Usually it takes a day or more to break the ice, get guys participating in singing and discussions. God had these guys locked in during the first few minutes, so quickly that none of the teamers were quite ready to deal with their early buy-in. But it was amazing to see these guys. And it was even more amazing to see the energy they conveyed back to our day's speakers -- who were absolutely channeling the Holy Spirit themselves.

I've been to the Rocky Mountains, the Grand Canyon, Hawaii and in a thousand other more picturesque places. But if you ever want to see God's work first hand, it's going on right now behind a beige cinder block wall and razor wire.

Two Stars this afternoon, when doing a presentation, interrupted their own presentations to talk about seeing God at work in the prison today. One said, "You know, the Body of Christ isn't one body, like you think it would be. It's a thousand bodies, like the ones in this room, who are all trying to get to heaven, and trying to help each other get to heaven."

I couldn't have said that better myself.

One other observation: during each day, we place a small notepad at the front of the room with some pencils and invite our Stars to jot down any prayer requests. Usually there are no more than 1 or 2 the first day. Tonight, as the box was opened, there must have been 20. Most of their requests were directed at helping others -- prayers for a relative with diabetes, a brother struggling with addictions, a friend who lives on the streets, a father and son who need redirection in life. For each piece of paper, an adult volunteers to pray specifically for the requestor and the request. Tonight, the team was falling all over itself to pray specifically for a kid they've already developed a relationship with. Mine was several prayers for relatives of Ty from Richmond. So keep Ty and his family in prayer.

Lastly, thanks to everyone for their support and prayers and love that you've sent to me, Chuck and Sue, Doug, the rest of the team and the Stars. We've felt every prayer and I can assure you that God is answering each one.

More tomorrow!

Just Another Ordinary Miracle Today

2010-02-12T19:42:00.000-08:00

I need to update this blog more frequently than just when I'm headed off to prison, but it seems like the only time I'm feeling the need to share so publicly. So, as you've probably guessed, I'm headed back to prison at 06:30 tomorrow and I'm back at my favorite Best Western not far from the Culpeper Juvenile Correctional Center in Mitchells, VA.

And as I get ready for bed, I'm filled with mixed emotions about heading back in tomorrow to meet 24 new young guys who've committed crimes ranging from rape to armed robbery to assault & battery to any of a hundred other offenses. I won't know why they're in the system, unless they choose to tell me. I don't really care. I know that they need some help, some direction, and I know that God has placed it on my heart to reach out and do whatever I can. Even if it's just keeping my mouth shut (which is difficult) and listening.

This winter's Epiphany teaming has been nothing short of exasperating for all of us. We've had several weeks of getting ready interrupted by our incessant blizzards in the Mid-Atlantic and each of us have some degree of feeling ill-prepared to tackle this challenge this weekend. Some of us are more concerned than others, I'm probably somewhere in the middle, but I know everyone feels it, so please be in prayer for all of us, as well as this weekend's Stars. All of us invest heavily emotionally in these weekends and we want everything to be just right, and while we know the Stars won't know or care if something isn't exactly according to script, it's still frustrating. We're all trying to let the Holy Spirit be at work this weekend and not to let our own agendas get in the way.

That said, a couple of bright spots have been noted which give me much hope:

1) Our Small Group from church just began a new study called "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. It was recommended to me by Holli, a former member of our Small Group who moved on to bigger and better small groups in Colorado Springs with her husband and my close friend, Jeff. (Thanks for keeping us in prayer, guys!!) On the exact same day as Holli told me about this study, my friend Scott posted something on his Facebook page about this amazing "Crazy Love" study he'd just started. So I knew God was telling me something. In one part of the video from Francis Chan, he talks about a student from a local college where he preaches who seems to get more and more out of each service she attends. He asked her how she maintains this incredible enthusiasm and she says that she prays before each worship service that God creates something new and better each time she attends. Not that her last amazing experience is re-created, but that this time she experiences something new and wonderful. Chan goes on to say that God, a creator by nature, loves creating new things. So my prayer this weekend is that God creates something new and amazing for the team and for the Stars this weekend.

2) Our old friend Bill, a longtime Epiphany teamer, spoke for a few minutes to the team this evening during a pre-weekend consecration service and he said something truly amazing. With so many cancellations and hurdles thrown our way before this weekend, it would have been extremely easy to let Satan have his way with us and have us cancel the weekend blaming it on snow and various other excuses. He said that Satan must know that God has something very special in mind for these 24 young guys we meet tomorrow. That was incredibly inspiring.

3) Finally, as I looked over our team tonight, I thought to myself, what a weird group of people. We have several government types, a realtor, a number of government contractors, a bakery manager at a local supermarket, a couple of retirees, a school bus driver, and a hodge-podge of others from all walks of life. We're white, black, brown and range in age from 40 to 70. If you saw us together, you'd never imagine a more unlikely band of servants. But you'll never meet a more committed crowd, all joining together to be Christ's hands and feet inside a prison, living out the challenges of Matthew 25. When I got into the hotel room tonight, I turned on the Opening Ceremonies of the Winter Olympics in Vancouver, Canada. Sarah McLachlan was singing,

"Its seems so exceptional
Things just work out after all
It's just another ordinary miracle today

The sun comes up and shines so bright
It disappears again at night
It's just another ordinary miracle today."

A Man's Reach

2009-09-11T09:47:00.000-07:00

This piece was first published in December 2001 in Men's Health magazine. I post it here in honor of the 8th anniversary of September 11, 2001.

Want to be useful during tough times? Focus on the job right in front of you

By Hugh O’Neill

Men’s Health, December 2001

Our country has been wounded. We’re grieving the losses from the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, and the death of the passengers who took on a group of terrorists in midair and perished in the woods outside of Shanksville, Pennsylvania, saving other folks the bad guys sought to slaughter.

In the days right after the assault, like most Americans, we tried to salvage some lesson that might be salve for the ache. But apparently, if you spend too much time thinking about the NFC East, your brain may be overmatched in the brutal terrain of thousands immolated for no reason. We couldn't form a coherent thought, never mind rescue a sustaining fragment from the ruins.

But then, as the full extent of the tragedy became clear, a TV-screen tableau formed an image that will be worth clinging to, whatever happens in the future. Whether the dogs of war are loosed, or wisdom and love can find a way around necessity, the memory of police officers, firefighters, ironworkers, and emergency medical technicians moving methodically over the great heaps of rubble will remain an inspiration for dealing with a crisis and with plain old daily life.

With a stubborn mix of strength and care, those guys just worked. One chunk, one bucket at a time, they set about moving the mountain of I-beams and concrete and glass that had entombed their countrymen. We were struck by their plain doggedness, the relentless simplicity of lift and carry and continue. Facing an undoable task, they did what men do best -- they began. Their ambition extended only to the ends of their arms. Nothing fancy. Just men and their muscles and their wills at work. They looked about them, bent over, and bore away the nearest burden.

Here's the lesson we're determined to learn. Men are most useful when, like those rescuers, we focus on the small circle around us. We dream of big opportunities to dazzle hordes of women, to reinvent capitalism, to matter. But so many of us get lost in big plans, or trapped by vague angers and old regrets, that we forget what those rescuers knew -- that a man's job is right here, right now. The opportunities aren't out there. They're asleep upstairs, wearing Spiderman pajamas. They're at the supermarket buying stuff for dinner, and now, after the attack, a little more fearful for the people they love. Yesterday's game is in the books. The assignment, lieutenant, is to focus on the task at hand, to seize opportunities that are right in front of you-within your arms' reach.

The word "ambition" has come to mean the drive to move up in the AP rankings, to achieve wealth or standing. But in truth, a man's "ambit" is nothing more or less than the circle in which he moves, the compass of his connections. We hereby decree that "ambition" is the more modest, but more demanding, urge to enrich the circle in which you move, whether you're a Wall Street player or a firefighter from Bay Ridge who may die on his way up the stairs of an inferno.

The attack on America has, for now, done what all those sixth-grade teachers couldn't do-wiped that smirk off our faces. It's a good bet that we'll be wise guys again. But we're also hoping that the theologian Thomas Moore is right, that melancholy carves out a space in the soul where wisdom can grow. And we're determined to shrink our circle, commend our attention to that which we can control. We're going to deploy our love and energy in classrooms, on ball fields, in churches, in bars, in our offices, in the backyard, throughout the ambits of our lives.

Don't mistake us. We remain four-square behind great achievements in the common world, including the rebuilding of whatever time reveals to be right on the World Trade Center site. But a few months out from this tragedy, we find ourselves in search of a manhood a little more attentive, one that dreams of stewardship, not empire. In all the great men we've known-fathers, teachers, brothers, pals-their strength came from a sense of duty. Left foot. Right foot. We're at war, all right. And terrorism is just one of our enemies. The other is carelessness. To honor the memory of the folks who died, and the service of those who dug, we're going to try our best to make ourselves useful.

Swole Update and more from inside Culpeper!

2009-08-07T07:51:00.000-07:00

It's been too long since I've been to the Culpeper Juvenile Correctional Center. I say that with an absolutely straight face because anyone who knows me knows I love working with incarcerated kids and trying to show a little of God's love in a pretty bleak and hopeless place.

Well for the past couple of months I've found a number of reasons to skip our monthly reunion with the kids there from Epiphany. But last night I finally made the effort and wow, am I ever glad I did.

See this has been the week from hell at work. Lots of politics. Lots of meetings to negotiate lots of things. Lots of budget issues at the end of the fiscal year. Etc. Etc. Etc. I am still wiped out from it. I called home on the way to prison last evening and ranted for nearly an hour at Meredith who patiently listened. But I still wasn't a happy camper on the way to prison. I guess most people aren't happy campers on the way to prison, but for obviously different reasons.

So I'm grumpy and just feeling ill-at-ease and we (Chuck and Sue and myself) kind of rushed in because our young men were being led into a large, sterile room from another door. In green shirts and orange shirts and ill-fitting khaki pants (the shirts signify which pod you're assigned to and the assignments have to do with the types of crimes you've committed), the young guys sauntered in (because sauntering is about as fast as any of them move). But once they saw us, they noticeably brightened to see their old friends. And my face couldn't help but brighten in return. Then the hugs started. Oh the hugs. Hugs are amazing. My young friend R. (I only use initials on here when talking about kids so I don't run afoul of any privacy issues) came up from behind me and gave me a giant bear hug (strong kid, too!) and I could feel his affection for me. It's my affection for him that led me to sit for 8 hours a few months ago in Fairfax County Circuit Court for a hearing on whether R would get to go home or would spend another year locked up (the judge was sympathetic and said he'd made incredible strides, but probably needed a little longer inside before he was ready to re-join society -- he was understandably disappointed then, but as of yesterday, he's looking forward to a new hearing in December and is still trying to stay out of trouble and go home. He has a new nephew, by the way, whom he wants desperately to meet.)

So my mood is better, my load is lightening and I'm seeing God for the first time today and then I'm bowled over by what happens next -- in so many ways. Chuck and I were seated with T. and W. T is Mr. Slick. I'd spent a little time with him over the weekend, but didn't know him particularly well. Good looking kid. Very suave. His thick "street" accent and mannerisms are balanced by the fact that he grew up near Bealeton, VA -- a decidedly rural community where there are few paved roads and even fewer "streets". Someday I want to call him out on that. W is a relatively shy and quiet young man who bears a strong resemblance to a polar bear. Very warm and friendly, but shy.

So T and W are talking between themselves about another church service they'd had at the facility recently when a number of young ex-convicts came in and talked to them about the changes they'd made in their lives after deciding to follow God's will instead of their own. T. was obviously struck by them which made me very glad. He was almost apologetic then, however, when he said he enjoyed it when we came and was glad we did, but these other young men were more relatable. I wasn't jealous at all that he found them better able to communicate God's word. Actually, I'm delighted he's listening to somebody, anybody.

I was told once that in God's kingdom, we're not expected to be the soup-to-nuts authority on bringing people into the fold. "Some people plant the seed. Some people pull the weeds. Some people water the flowers. But God is there to make sure it grows. Let God be God. Do your little part, then let God be God," I was told. I've taken that to heart. It was great advice then, it's great wisdom now. God also took those young ministers in to reach out and they watered the seeds we planted (or whatever). All God's children have a place in the choir.

Some other notes which are less heaven-oriented and more practical:

Don't bring apples or pears to prison. The kids won't eat them and we'd be wasting our money T and W confirmed for us. They love fresh fruit. They get plenty of chips and cookies and candy, but they love fruit. Just no apples or pears.

"Why?" you ask.

Well so did we. Turns out that if you cut or bite into the core of an apple or a pear you're harming the star-like core of the fruit. And harming the star, you're disrespecting a gang. Learn something new everyday.

Same thing with the word "crab", as in "I'm going to Red Lobster to get some crab legs," or "Boy those crab chips look good." Apparently it's an acronym for another gang phrase which I won't repeat. Again, learn something new everyday.

Finally, I promised a Swole update. If you missed earlier postings and need to learn about Swole, visit the Swole blog from February and scroll down.

So you know by now that Swole is a prison treat made from Ramen noodles, chips, Cheetos, Doritos, Hot Fries and whatever else you find lying around the prison. You combine the ingredients in a large trash bag, wet them down with hot water, then roll out onto a large table, slice it up and voila! Last night we made Swole with the guys adding sausage and chicken. (It's actually pretty good after a bowl or two of it!)

So T claims to be the conoisseur of Swole and claims to know far more about making it than anyone else. In fact, after he serves his time, he wants to open a Swole restaurant or Swole cafe or at least serve it at 7-11. So he sniffed at the Swole made by others and claimed that it was another word for crappy because he'd not made it. In fact, he was not going to assist in the prep because he didn't want to sully his name and reputation by being associated with this far inferior Swole product. That didn't stop him from consuming two bowls and going back for a third, though.

So he and W began discussing alternatives to traditional Swole including "Swole on a Bun" and "Sweet Swole" which is a smushed honey bun, covered with crushed Oreos (slightly dampened), and then topped with crumbled Snickers or Butterfingers (sounds primitive, but not disgusting).

But then W goes on to tell of one guy on his pod who takes regular Swole and then packs it onto a mushed honey bun.

To which T replies (I swear this is true): "Well that's no wonder. That guys eats Baby Powder!"

I thought Chuck and I would lose the Swole we had in our stomachs at that point (which wouldn't look appreciably different coming up from going down).

On a more serious note, please keep T in prayer. He's 21 and leaves to serve the rest of his sentence in the adult penitentiary soon. Pray that he keeps his nose clean, doesn't get caught up in the adult prison lifestyle and that he keeps his faith.

If you're interested in teaming for the Fall Epiphany Walk which will be on October 10-12, let me know, teaming starts August 22!

Be blessed!

Just one more -- I think we were as affected as our Stars -- 2-17-09

2009-02-17T19:31:00.000-08:00

I wasn't going to add anything more to this event, because it was over. Right? Wrong!

There's no news here that the team doesn't already know. But for the outsiders reading, I wanted to let you in on some Culpeper Epiphany #11 team secrets.

This past weekend hit us -- hard.

Two years ago, when we ended our weekend, we all kind of went back to our lives and many of us, myself included, pretty well lost touch with the others.

Today (Tuesday) has been remarkably different. And what a surprise blessing today has been.

It began late last evening when Scott, our weekend Lay Director, sent out a list of all of our Stars, their given names, their nicknames and their birthdays. I must have read that list more than a dozen times, remembering every Star. Remembering their faces. Moments I'd shared with them. Maybe a tattoo they showed me, or a story they'd told. I remembered their prayers. Most of all, I remembered their smiles.

I speak on behalf of the entire team when I say: I wish we could bottle those smiles and carry them with us always.

If I'd printed off that list, I think I would have thumbed it much of the night. Slept with it under my pillow. It's certainly housed in my heart. It's the most intimate I've ever been with an Excel Spreadsheet. ;)

Today, the reactions started from the team via email. I share some thoughts because I think they're instructive. I'll try not to violate any privacies here...

(each quote is from a different team member)

"I’m going through withdrawal today. I never thought I’d say that after being in a prison all weekend! "

"I was driving down the road to my job today and burst into tears....I, as the rest of you made myself vulnerable, not just in what I shared but by truly loving these guys with all my heart."

"Every one of you and the Stars ministered to my spirit this weekend... Well let me stop writing before I start crying again."

"This weekend I opened up and was able to be more specific with parts of my testimony. It's a beginning... I'm a work in process. Thank you for your testimonies, not test-a-phonys. It beared witness with me. I felt your pain."

"He and I made a connection that was so very special and had God not intervened and lifted us both back up, the results could have been so very, very negative. Thank you God for always being there at the right time and guiding us with strength to carry through with what we think to be best for others, no matter what we're feeling."

"The Love, Prayers, and endless praise from God's young men. I believe I have a prescription that will not run out or need a refill until the fall. The bottle says no refills until seeing Epiphany 12. "

Thank you God, for allowing me to see your hope in an otherwise hopeless place. Thanks to my Brothers and Sisters in Christ who embrace our vulnerabilities and who love without judging.

Thanks to the staff at Culpeper JCC for tolerating our silliness, noisiness and mess (we almost lost one of them one day when he didn't realize how quickly we could clean up our mess and how serious we were about doing it).

Thank you for our families who stayed at home and kept the fires burning while we were gone -- especially to those who took care of our small children for three days so we could go to work.

Thank you to all those who sent in money to sponsor Stars; to those who prayed for us and the Stars (the prayer chain nearly made it around the large meeting room twice!); to those who sent food for all of us to share; to those who sent various forms of agape; to those at Liberty UMC and elsewhere who provide for all of our needs behind the scenes; to those who provided spiritual leadership before and during the weekend, to those who lead us during the teamings; to our incredible support team who kept the food and drinks and agape and games and supplies and everything else coming; and to our incredible musicians who bless us with their praise and worship music.

Thank you, most of all, to these 30 young men. For three days, they allowed us to come with a different message than they usually here. And it's not one they can grasp easily. They were ever-polite, helpful, kind, vulnerable, provocative, thoughtful and thought-filled, searching, listening, absorbing, enjoying, enjoyable, funny, sad, and most of all, God's children in need of a loving word or kind touch.

We call them Stars because in Philipians 2, Paul calls all of us to be lights in the darkness. "Do everything without grumbling or arguing. Then you will be the pure and innocent children of God. You live among people who are crooked and evil, but you must not do anything that they can say is wrong. Try to shine as lights (stars) among the people of this world, as you hold firmly to the message that gives life. "

"P.S. I've changed."

2009-02-16T19:03:00.000-08:00

We cried today.

We cried as we let go of the 30 young men we'd grown to love dearly over the past three days.

We cried with them.

We cried without them.

We wept for them.

We wept for each other.

Sending these kids we grew to love dearly over the past three days back to prison was difficult even for the most seasoned veteran prison ministers. But it's part of the process. Most of us will return to work and our normal lives tomorrow, but all of us have changed.

We've gained new appreciation for parents -- especially fathers -- who were there for us growing up, especially since so many of these young guys lack any real relationship with their parents. We got a glimpse of what it's like growing up without role models. We learned some new dances. We learned a new game which involves running two fingers as quickly as possible across the back of another's neck in an attempt to cause a rug-burn like rash. The kid with the reddest neck is the loser. I'm not sure how they measure that, but everyone seems to know when one kid wins and another loses.

Food experimentation was a little less exotic today, but I can say I ate my first-ever Quarter Pounder with Cheese covered in hot sauce, ranch dressing and crushed Doritos. All in all, it was pretty good.

We were blessed to be invited into these kids' home (such as it is) and to invade their world with a message of hope, redemption and God's incredible love for his children -- all of them.

But today wasn't really about us. Yes there were talks and singing and some wonderful moments from the team. But the real blessings today came from the Stars themselves. And oh how they blessed us.

I'll keep this short because I'm tired, but I want to share three stories with you. There are literally dozens more. And I'm hoping Chuck and Sue or Earl and Geniece might want to share.

First story:

It's nearing the end of the day and the Stars are supposed to think about a couple of questions (similar to the Emmaus questions asked at closing). What was their relationship with God like before they came to Epiphany? What did they learn? How are they going to implement or share what they've learned (I'm paraphrasing). They were supposed to jot down some thoughts and then one person at each table would condense the thoughts and report out for their entire table. Our table couldn't initially decide who would be their spokesperson. I stepped away for a moment and when I returned, I was told that Z and O had decided to work together on developing their report and that they would deliver it together. Yesterday, they were just getting to know each other. A day before they'd never spoken.

Story 2: Remember yesterday I talked about T and his Goo Goo Dolls solo. I purposely didn't mention an accident which occured after he played a second song on a guitar borrowed from our music leader, Kaye. T put down Kaye's guitar and walked away from the band area, but as he returned to his chair, the guitar began sliding and it hit the floor with a sickening thud. All of us watched this, almost in slow motion as Kaye jumped toward the falling guitar. The fall did some minor damage to Kaye's guitar, but far more damage to T's sense of self. Wally, Kaye's husband, was standing next to me when the guitar fell and I told him that I'd pay for any damage because seeing T drop his walls for the first time (he told me later) since 2006, was worth whatever it would cost to repair the guitar. Well Kaye hugged T, told him not to worry, hugged him again and again, said she still loved him, etc. But we all worried that T wouldn't return. That just as things were looking up, an unfortunate accident would cause a terrible loss of confidence.

He returned Monday morning. And he played a song he'd written himself. It was about remembering people who were gone, but remembering them fondly. It struck me then that it had a certain foreshadowing quality to it.

During the table report-outs, T was the designated spokesman for his table. He gave the table report and then gave a personal report:

"Most of you all don't know this, but on Friday and going into Saturday, I was an avowed Satanist," he said. "Now I know how much God loves me and wants me to come back home, so I'm going to follow Him home."

T left a note on the table for us to find during clean-up. "I love you all...T..."

Last story. this one from D -- whom they also call "Baby Boy" and his face fits that nickname well. Funny and charming, I honestly saw him as a bit of a player. He was playful, the first one to get up and dance. But he was also the first one to make a trade, a bargain or a deal. He's a flirt and, from a distance, didn't seem to be getting it.

He left behind a long prayer request for us including asking for prayers for his family, his friends and a number of team members. He told us how thankful he was to God for sending us from so many places. And he told us how thankful he was for God's love being demonstrated in so many ways.

He signed his letter. Then he followed up with two words which I will never forget.

"P.S. I've changed."

So have I, D... So have I.

Breakthroughs and the Goo Goo Dolls -- Letter from Inside the Big House, 2-15-09

2009-02-15T18:35:00.000-08:00

If you ever have any doubts that God is still alive and at work, go to prison on the second day of one of these weekends.

Yesterday, I mentioned that I was fearful that two of my "Stars" weren't getting it and wouldn't be back. Even though I'd received promises that they'd be back, I silently doubted it. And this morning I held my breath to see who would come in.

After everyone was accounted for and seated, it turned out we only lost one star -- not one of mine -- and this was due to an upset stomach (probably too much fried chicken -- or maybe he went back and made himself a swole.) Either way, it was an early blessing to have every kid who could return.

Our morning went along fairly uneventfully, but my friend Crystal ran over to me at one point and told me that O., one of the ones I was worried about, had completely opened up to her. Now it's not that I don't cherish my friendship with Crystal, nor is it that I think she's not of sound mind. But I frankly didn't believe her. An hour later, I ran over to her and asked what she'd done to my kid who was now very open and very chatty and admitted to getting choked up during my friend Reese's talk.

And he wasn't alone. You'd have to have been dead to not get choked up during Reese's talk, unless you were busy openly weeping. Reese has a remarkable presence when he's giving his testimony in front of a group. He's about my age and pastors a small Baptist church in Brandy Station, VA. He also works with at-risk kids during the day. He's very soft spoken with a deep voice. But his speaking style ties you in with the first sentence, grips you by the throat around the third sentence. And he never lets go.

We've been friends since we first teamed on Epiphany two years ago. So this wasn't the first time I'd heard his testimony, but it still moves me every time.

Well, it moved O. as well and he confided in me that he could feel Reese's pain during his talk and that almost broke him down. "But I can't go around making that kind of scene in here," he said.

That's more than he'd said in the prior 36 hours. Wow. And after that, he didn't stop and we got into a very spirited discussion about him struggling between choosing good and choosing evil in his life. He doesn't see himself as a good kid, which is troubling. He doesn't give himself enough credit. We told him the battle was not his alone, that God would provide his armor. At that point, Z piped up from across the table that O is in spiritual warfare. Z is a very good kid from what I can gather. He minds his business and is focused solely on not making things worse for himself. He's determined to get out of prison on time and won't do anything that could derail that. O knows this and while it didn't seem they know each other well or have much in common, they agreed finally that Z could work with O on some of that armor God provides. Maybe Z is O's armor. It was an incredible moment that left me absolutely breathless. It's hard to capture the magic there when O first realized that he doesn't have to be a thug all his life and that God puts people in his path to help him if he's willing to be helped.

One funny story at this point. The Stars all received boxes of those little sugary conversation hearts that come out every year at Valentine's Day and then thankfully go away for another year. But my close friends Chuck and Sue are teaming with us this weekend and Sue, for those who don't know her, is, by all measures, gorgeous. She's also a delightful person with a penchant for mischief-making. Well, all the young men have become quite fascinated with Sue this weekend and one was bold enough to ask Chuck to send her over one of those little conversation hearts with "Kiss Me" on it. Chuck said, "You know she's my wife, right?" Apparently no one did. "Nahh, you? Really? Nahhh."

Two more Epiphany moments. Another kid named T who sits at Chuck's table. Pretty reserved and quiet. Would sit back from some of the conversations. He resembles Drew Carey a little bit with very close-cropped hair and thick state-issued eyeglasses with thick brown plastic frames. To say they lack style would be an understatement.

Well out of nowhere, during a break, T picks up a guitar, steps up to a microphone the music team had been using and begins to play a Goo Goo Dolls song called "Slide" with the lyric:

What you feel is what you are
And what you are is beautiful...

His solo brought down the house. Later, he played a second song, apologizing that it was not original, "Because I was writing a lot of my own music right about the time I got arrested. And when that happened, my father threw it all out. So it's gone."

I hugged T later and told him how much he'd blessed me and all the others tonight.

Finally, you might remember A from last night. He was the one questioning God and Heaven and I really had feared he wouldn't be back. We spent more time together today, though he wasn't sitting next to me. But several talks from the team obviously smacked him between the eyes.

On the way out tonight, he hugged me. "I love you, Butch. Thanks for sticking with me."

Valentine's Day and Swole -- Report from inside the Big House 2-14-09

2009-02-14T18:56:00.000-08:00

It's the end of our first full day inside the Culpeper Juvenile Correctional Center on Culpeper Epiphany 11. And 14 hours on the inside makes for a long day. We started at 0630 and just ended up around 2030.

God has paved us a wide path this weekend and arrival went off well with only a couple of minor issues -- we had three extra slots, one kid had already been on another Epiphany at another state facility and one kid we thought had been on a weekend actually hadn't. But issues were minor. And, as usual, as the Stars arrived and were greeted by a raucous crowd of Christians cheering for them, we got some pretty quizzical looks from most of the arriving young men. But I have to tell you that by the second song, nearly all of the Stars were singing and clapping along -- even if they didn't know the words.

And the energy hasn't waned all day. God is truly at work here.

I'll tell you very briefly about the young guys at my table and I'm only going to use first initials to keep any details about them private. Hope you understand.

A. is a tall blond guy from near Staunton. He doesn't fit in with the others because he likes country and bluegrass music and is definitely not what you would call an inner-city kid. He wants to be a "good father and a good man" when he grows up, but he's not quite sure yet how he'll get there. He asks a lot of searching questions of me. He's definitely thinking. The gears are turning. A couple of times today I was worried that he wasn't interested. He's always asking what the next event is, how long this activity is going to last, when he's going to get out. But by late afternoon, he seemed to settle in a little bit and he's letting go. I think I stunned him when I didn't automatically reject him when he told me he didn't believe in heaven. He did promise to come back tomorrow (after asking if leaving was an option). Knowing that he's coming back tomorrow will allow me to sleep tonight. Otherwise I'd worry about him.

Z. is almost 19, a high school graduate, and looking forward to college to study business administration and creative writing. He's a smart young man, very thought-filled. He's searching too, but he's not as antsy about it. He is very friendly and even chatty at times. He reminds me a lot of Chris who sat next to me all weekend on Epiphany 10 two years ago. The one thing that worries him -- he doesn't know if anyone will give him a chance at a job or a college education if he has a criminal record. I worry about that for him. He's writing a book. I'll find out tomorrow what it's about. I'll make sure I'm first in line to buy it when it's published.

C. is an interesting character. He dreams of a career in the music industry -- either in writing or production, but he also likes singing. In the middle of the day, he walked up to the microphone and with no announcement began singing a beautiful Gospel song. It was a cool moment.

L. is a character. He's the class clown of the group. Singing in funny voices and making animal sounds at inappropriate, though very funny, times. He worries me a little because he doesn't see much future for himself. He has a son who turns two on March 9.

B. He's one of the two guys at the table I don't feel a great connection with yet. Good kid. Friendly. Not very talkative. But he likes to eat. He sings along. Adds into the conversation. I'm curious to get to know him better.

O. This young man is going to be a challenge. And we're all praying for him. Please pray for him too. He's still got a lot of walls up and won't participate in much. He's polite enough, but that's as far as he's willing to go. But he promise me that he'd be back tomorrow. So I'll be able to sleep after hearing that too. I worry about him.

There are, of course, a bunch of others...30 in total. And each one is fascinating. At Chuck Russell's table, there are no fewer than three musicians. At another table, there's the kid who said goodnight to every three times so he'd get something like 90 hugs. And when the Corrections Officers told them it was time to return to their pods and that they would be searched and anything considered contraband that was found on them would end their weekend with us, there was a collective great shuffling of candy and other food items out of pockets. A was sitting next to me and downed an entire box of those little candy conversation hearts in about a minute.

Which brings me to my final missive of the evening: Swole.

At dinner, C asked if I'd ever had swole before. I don't even try to sound smart around these kids anymore. That's a losing battle and it just makes me look even more stupid and out of touch than I already look. So I told him I didn't know what that was. It's a homemade prison recipe consisting of:

3 or 4 bags of chips (Cool Ranch Doritos and Spicy Nacho Doritos apparently work best, but potato chips are fine too).
3 packages of Ramen noodles
A sliced pickle (to taste)
A couple of handfuls of Combos (those little filled pretzel snacks)
Some meat -- chicken or sausage works well
2.5 to 3 cups of very hot water.
If you have it, you can also add jalapenos, hot sauce, honey, ranch dressing, etc.

Mix all the ingredients except for the water in a plastic trash bag (clean, preferably) and then crush with a book or other heavy item. Pour hot water over mixture, a little at a time (you don't want it too wet) until it forms a paste-like concoction. Watch it rise (hence the name swole from swollen, apparently). Roll it flat on a table and then use your spork to eat it.

Apparently this is quite the delicacy. Z said he'd actually give up a trip to a Golden Corral for swole. I asked the others at the table if they felt the same way. C who originally asked me about it, thought for more than a few seconds and first answered that he's prefer swole.

"Really?"

"Well, maybe not."

The other Stars were also familiar with swole and each had their own favorite ingredient. I think I'm going to bring some to the next potluck.

Twas the Night Before Prison...

2009-02-13T19:12:00.000-08:00

And all through the Big House...

Ok, so I'm not going to try to make this a funny version of the classic. Too tired to be that creative.

But I did want to put something here in case you are checking in on me over the weekend.

There's more than 30 of us headed inside at 0630 hours. Tonight, we met. We ate. We prayed for each other. We prayed for ourselves. And we prayed for our Stars. We also learned a lesson or two about service.

I mentioned there's more than 30 of us going in to serve. But there are many, many more people (including you hopefully) who are sharing God's love from the outside. There are folks praying. And who made agape. And enough people sent in checks and cash that God blessed us with absolutely every Star being sponsored! In the past, we've had to dig into our own pockets. This year God really wanted us to make this happen on His behalf, because He's cleared every obstacle from our path -- from providing plenty of volunteers to providing plenty of food to providing for our Stars, to ensuring that new leadership at the Culpeper Juvenile Correctional Center (who'd never seen anything like Epiphany before) would take a leap of faith in us. So God has made this path wide for us. How can we refuse.

As I mentioned, tonight we learned a little about service including a service which commemorated Christ's service to the Apostles before the Last Supper. You'd think mature people would be able to be servants to each other like that without giggling, but... ;)

But we also learned an important lesson tonight: that we don't go in to preach or convert. God will take care of that. We go to serve and show love, just as Christ did.

Pray for us....

More tomorrow night.

An extremely humbling note from my friend Jennifer about prison ministry

2009-01-15T20:21:00.000-08:00

(This is an email I received at the end of December 2008 from my friend Jennifer. We've known each other for years and have shared some very cool things over the years. We've occasionally discussed religion, but we're more likely to talk about business (emergency management) or beer. So this really surprised me when she blessed me with these thoughts.)

I need to tell you a story

Back in July, Keith and a friend took over a restaurant downtown. They kept most of the staff, including this one server, Diana, who was very sweet and enthusiastic, but a bit nervous. We found out Diana was staying at a halfway house and had been released from prison in March. Five years earlier, Diana insisted on pleading guilty for killing her older brother...because he was raping her (yes, there were drugs involved, but still).

Diana was getting up at 4:30 in the morning, riding their transport bus into the city and sitting in one of the booths until the restaurant opened at 7 a.m. then she would work until 3 p.m. when the place closed and walk around the city until 5 p.m. when she got a ride back. She is honest to a fault, so the halfway house put her in charge of their "store" which she ran until about 8 p.m. and on weekends. She has a little boy, Jacob, who she couldn't see because he lives about two hours away and she couldn't leave the "store." The halfway house charged her almost what she made every week to live there, so she could never save up enough to move out.

Anyway, the restaurant is right across from where I work and everyday I'd go have lunch and check on the progress. Everyday Diana would wait on me and I would learn a bit more of her story. When I would leave she would say “I love you, Jen” and give me a hug. One day after I saw her crying Keith told me her whole story and my heart broke.

Here’s where you come in. For a few years now, you’ve been sharing about your prison ministry and how much the inmates, and you, get from it. I always thought it was noble, but never thought I could do something like that. At the same time, I’d been having a nagging feeling that God wanted me to do something to improve the world, but I couldn’t figure out what it was. I even talked with Keith about it, and he said that when it happened, I’d know.

That day, I knew what God wanted me to do. I talked it over with Keith, and then I asked Diana if she wanted to stay with us for a while. We couldn’t give her money, but we could keep her from having to spend her own. She was hopeful, but didn’t think it would really happen. I called the parole office and found out it was actually pretty easy. The lady running the halfway house tried to stall things by accusing her of not reporting that another housemate had a cell phone, and taking away Diana’s, but ultimately, she couldn’t keep her there.

Diana moved in with us at the end of September. It was awkward at first, but now she is part of the family. She is 28, but she grew up in such a small town that she doesn’t really understand the “big city” of Little Rock. Topped off with five missing years, and you have someone who is like a foreign exchange student. On one of her first nights with us we took her to a Chinese restaurant. She had never eaten at one, but she thought she recognized guacamole on the salad bar. We stopped her just as she was about to take in a whole spoonful of wasabi!

She is constantly amazed by things we take for granted, and in her childlike amazement, I have seen wonders I would have missed otherwise. I realize that not everyone in prison is a “Diana” but now I wonder how many of them are; stuck in a situation and making a bad decision that alters their lives forever. They do their “time” but even when they get out, they never get to live a normal life.

I have also learned how unjust the justice system really is. While Diana had “group” in prison, and some individual counseling, there was little done to help her adjust to the outside world. She excelled in several skill areas in the work training, but they never kept her in one area long enough to have a trade by the time she got out. She has no credit, so she is turned down for almost anything that would help her to get ahead. To survive, folks like Diana have to rely on businesses that don’t report to the credit agencies, like the pay-as-you-go cell phones, or the car dealers charging sky high interest for a clunker.

Still, things are looking up. Diana has seen Jacob at least once a month. (He lives with his father, who Diana had left after he hit her with a flashlight, which is why she had moved back home in the first place.) We took her down and stayed overnight in a hotel right before Christmas and Santa even visited where we stayed and gave him lots of goodies.

The best part, though, is that Diana has saved enough to put money down on a “real” car and we’ll be going this weekend to pick one out. A woman in a nearby town recognized the situation many people are in who want to build their credit and she set up a program to help them buy a car from her and pay the bank, so it will be reported. I’m not sure of the details, but it sounds legit.

So, anyway, I wanted to say thank you. Thank you for opening a door I never realized I could walk through. Thank you for sharing your experiences with your friends and talking about the blessings you’ve received from your ministry. I prayed about this one, Butch. And along with the story of the Good Samaritan, I kept thinking about the work you do. I kept thinking I wanted to change the world, but if I can help change one life, maybe in a small way I have changed the world. If each of us does it, imagine what we can achieve. Thank you for helping me to hear God.

(It’s o.k. to share this with your friends. If it inspires someone, so much the better.)

Another set of notes from Culpeper Epiphany 10 in Feb 2007

2009-01-15T20:20:00.000-08:00

First off, I have to apologize for my extraordinarily poor grammar and spelling in my last missive. It was late. I was beat. And I didn't bother to re-read what I'd written.

Secondly, I also mistyped my friend Kaino's name.

Thirdly, thanks to everyone for their notes of support following my first email. That's been wonderful and I truly appreciate it.

Now, on to the good stuff:

Prison is a strange place. The Culpeper prison was built in the early 1990s, so it's very modern inside. There are many thick steel doors and cinderblocks and electronically controlled locks, but it's not at all bleak or dark. The paint is kind of a creamy white/yellow/beige and if you didn't look at the concertina wire and the fact that you can't open any doors, you wouldn't see many differences from most suburban high schools.

And if you look at the young men we were trying to reach, and look past the kakhi-colored jumpsuits and the ubiquitous gang tatoos, you'd think you were looking at a pretty average high school kid. I found, among the kids I was working with, that all of them can read at a fairly high level. Many of them are fathers themselves. Some are quite well-read. Most have some knowledge of organized religion (usually through a family member), though most admitted they only have a limited or no current relationship with God.

One of the best moments of both days were parties that were thrown in honor of the Stars. The first party is a birthday party celebrating their lives. Each Star receives a gift (it's a t-shirt with the Epiphany logo), a Bible and each Star gets their name on a birthday cake. There are streamers and balloons and chocolate sauce and whipped cream and much good-hearted mayhem. (One of my guys noted that he'd never had his name on a birthday cake before.)

The final party follows several sessions on forgiveness and is also a good excuse to clear out the kitchen of whatever snacks are leftover (I never knew you could put hot sauce, ranch dressing and Cheese Whiz on so many things). There's a lot of snacking and playing of a lot of cheesy '70s disco music. It was a treat to see how many kids enjoyed the "Electric Slide," "Y.M.C.A.," the "Hokey Pokey" and the "Chicken Dance". I laughed with one of my kids that he'd just witnessed what most wedding receptions for white folks look like.

While eating pizza one night, one of my Stars lamented that because he was full he couldn't eat as much pizza as he wanted (I think the six Big-Macs he downed for lunch might have had something to do with his lack of hunger). He looked at the third and final piece of pepperoni on his plate and said, "Man, I hate that I can't eat this. I know people who would kill to have this piece of pizza. I mean literally kill for it."

Throughout the weekend, there were these terrific moments of humor and lightness. And I swear at times I could see the Holy Spirit move across the room and lift the stress from these young people.

Many of them had witnessed horrible things. Many of them have seen friends die on the streets. One, while he was locked up, lost a baby at 3 months to an asthma attack. Many were from abusive -- or at least unloving -- homes. Most had brothers who were currently incarcerated. One I know spent several years living under a bridge in Michigan with his brother. Many had the same refrain: If I didn't get thrown in jail, I'd be dead by now.

A couple of them admitted to me that they didn't see themselves living past 22.

But in each and every one of them, there's a smile which lightens a room. And they found it doesn't come from guns or drugs or power or money or status -- it just comes from being loved. So my extraordinary thanks goes out to all of you for supporting all of us and being able to show them some love.

One young man said to me yesterday, "Man, I wish this wasn't over. It doesn't even feel like prison anymore."

I won't be so bold as to say we reached every one. Or even half. But maybe in a couple we planted a seed. I would say that of my five, I definitely think two of my stars "got it". Perhaps others did. I don't know. But if we even reached one and helped him turn his life around, then absolutely every bit of effort was worth it.

On another note, I saw something else while in Culpeper that needs acknowledgement. The staff at the prison -- corrections officers, nurses, teachers, administrators, other staff -- are probably among the most under-appreciated people in the world. The officers especially, who probably have the most 24-hour contact with the kids, we found to be top-notch. Some were thrilled to have us there. Others saw us as a bit of a disruption to their daily routine (with tie-dyed shirts and streamers and dance music, who knew?) but they put up with us. A couple of them got involved -- prayed with us, listened to the talks, even danced!

One officer we met, and I unfortunately didn't catch his name, was very fond of his "wards," you could tell. He was retired from a 20-year career in the Navy and was working on a masters degree in education so he could teach K-6. He'd found his way to Culpeper and had been there five years. He said, "Generally, they're not bad kids. Just need direction and guidance and love."

He said officers do not carry weapons (guns, batons, pepper spray, Tasers) because the wards are still considered juveniles ("even though most of them are bigger than me") and that they occasionally make a lapse in judgement and get into trouble ("And who doesn't do that?" he said). But he noted that serious injuries are rare among the officers. "Most of the kids realize that if you tackle them, you're only restraining them and trying to keep them from getting hurt or hurting someone else. You're not there to hurt them -- they get that."

I honestly had my own prejudices about corrections officers -- probably from a host of prison movies over time. The officers we met are far from my expectations. And they have a rough job. It's easy for us as volunteers to swoop in, spend three days of fun with the kids, and swoop back into the safety of our offices and cubicles. These folks dedicate their lives to loving those who society calls "unlovable". So please keep them, and all of those who work with these kids every day, in your prayers.

Again, thanks for your thoughts, prayers, support, letters and such. It was a terrific experience. And if you'd like to particpate in the next event, it's scheduled for Columbus Day weekend in October. Let me know if you'd like to know more.

In His Service,

Butch

Notes from Culpeper Epiphany 10 in February 2007

2009-01-15T20:17:00.000-08:00

(This is an email I sent during the last Culpeper Epiphany event in February, 2007)

Hi All!

It's late Sunday night and I wanted to give you all a quick update and thank you again for your prayers, support, contributions, letters and love that you've sent to Culpeper this weekend. I thank you. Our team thanks you and the Stars themselves thank you for the love you've shown all of us.

I'm feel very blessed to report that the Holy Spirit is alive and kicking in the Culpeper Juvenile Correction Center this weekend. And it's great to be a witness to that.

Someone on our team said it's like we have a seat on the 50-yard-line and Satan is getting kicked all over the field.

I'll give you one short story before heading off to bed (which is at a fellow teamer's house and not, thankfully, in a cell).

It's been a wild day. I spent almost the entire day arguing with this one kid sitting next to me. His name is Ajene' but he goes by Kaimon (not sure why, but we let them choose their whatever name they want to be called since most of their lives is so pre-scripted for them).

My man Kaimon is from Newport News which is Tidewater area near Va Beach, Hampton, Norfolk, Williamsburg. That area. Not sure what he did to get there, don't care. But he's a tough kid. Street smart. Not dumb either. Not particularly well educated, but certainly not dumb.

Well he started in this morning not talking to me. Really adverse body language. As the morning wore on, he livened up a little bit, but still wasn't participating. Wasn't singing the songs or clapping along. Not acting out or being troublesome. But kind of passive-aggressive.

So at one point I engaged him on something, not sure what, and he began to question me. Challenge me on every belief. "I don't need God, He needs me!" kind of things. I wont say he was insolent, because he wasn't. But he was combative in his questions and statements. Very challenging. At lunch I even said to one of my closest friends who is down here with me how tired I was defending everything for this kid. I was telling him what a struggle it was to stay energized when he was bringing the whole table down with his negativity.

But then sometime in the middle of the afternoon, something dramatic changed in him. His visage changed. He smiled. He clapped and sang along. He started to lead the singing at a couple of points. Then, and this blew me out of the water, there's a time called "Open Mic" and any of the kids (or adults) can stand up and say anything they want. They can talk about the weekend. Talk about how they're feeling, whatever. It's usually like "I thank God that you all could come down here and spend some time with us and get to know us and realize we're not criminals" and thoughts like that.

My man Kaimon is the first kid to volunteer to speak. And he says, "I want to thank God and you all for loving me today. For not turning your back on me. And for teaching me stuff."

You could have knocked me across the room with a feather.

At dinner, when it's just open discussion about anything and much of it dominated by the cute female warden and who was going to be the first to convince her to go out with one of them, and whether she winked at Mal and whether she was impressed enough with his goals on getting out that she'd drive him around since he didn't have a license (that was tonight's dinner convo). Kaimon (also deeply involved in the debate over the Guard's buy-in of Mal's goals) turned to me and said "I know yesterday I said I want to be a football player, but what I really want to do is go talk to other kids and tell them to stay out of here. Tell them there's nothing for them behind these bars. Tell them to go make good decisions and save themselves."

At this point I'm wondering who stole my kid and replaced him with this kid.

But I know that God is good -- all the time. I watched today and thought to myself, you can put bars on the windows, but you can't put bars on the Holy Spirit.

So all in all, it's been pretty amazing.....

Keep praying for us. Thanks for all you've done for all of us so far. And thanks to God for blessing me with this opportunity and for the blessing of forgiveness for us all.

De Colores!

Your Brother in Christ,

Butch

This is our mission field...

2009-01-15T20:12:00.000-08:00

This is our mission field....

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It's right here in Virginia -- down Route 29 from us. It's a place that most of us, thankfully, never see. And that most of us, never notice.

The young people inside, behind the walls and the impact-resistant glass, have made some bad choices. They've gotten involved with the wrong friends, the wrong lovers, been in the wrong places at the wrong times.

Here are some facts:

More than 2.5 million juveniles are arrested every year in America and 70% of juveniles convicted of crimes go on to commit crimes again.

94% of incarcerated youth have never had one single positive adult male role model.

84% of the boys who become serious juvenile offenders have parents with criminal records.

But these young people are more than just statistics. They're more than just names on a court docket. And they're more than just faces we'd rather look away from.

Welcome to our mission field.

Every year, a team from various Christian communities in Northern Virginia, goes behind the walls and meets face-to-face with these troubled young men. We hear their stories. And we tell them ours. We talk about what Christ has done for us. And what He can do for them, if they let Him inside -- past their walls and their rough exteriors and their fear and their shame and their pride and their arrogance -- deep inside their hearts.

Some call it Kairos for Kids or Chrysallis Behind Bars, we call it "Epiphany" which means literally a manifestation of the Divine. What it is, is a three-day Emmaus-like weekend spent showing God's infinite love and grace to young people most of whom, I can attest from having teamed last time, have never seen such a thing.

Sometimes they make people uncomfortable with their clothes and their language and their music. Sometimes it's easier to turn away from them than to serve them -- the least, the last, the lost, the lonely.

But this is our world. And these, the least of these, are our collective responsibility.

In February 2009, our team has another weekend planned for the Culpeper Juvenile Correctional Center in Culpeper.

This is the front lines of ministry.

We can choose to discard them, but we cannot deny that Jesus Christ died for them.

We can sit back and watch young offenders get caught up in the cycle of becoming "lifers," or we can intervene today and help them make those breaks from their troubled pasts and become responsible young adults in our society.We must remember that those who deserve love the least need it the most!

Statistics say that most of the kids incarcerated today will become repeat offenders. Our job is to show kids that statistics don't determine their future, their choices do. As the Body of Christ, we also have a choice to make: reach them or neglect them. One thing we can't do is ignore them.

To learn more about Epiphany, visit http://www.epiphanyministry.com/ and to learn more about Culpeper, visit http://www.djj.state.va.us/Facilities.aspx?FacilityID=140.

Any questions, or want to join me, email me at butchkin@aol.com.

Butch

Help send Butch to prison!

2009-01-15T20:10:00.000-08:00

Ok, you know you've always wanted to send me to prison. Well here's your chance.

As some of you know, I'm very involved working with kids who have basically, completely screwed their lives up (and most likely the lives of someone else) and are now in prison. Our hope is that someday, when they return to society, they'll realize there is more to life than gangs and running drugs and weapons and that there are solutions to problems that don't involve heavy firearms. Often, it just takes someone willing to go inside and spend some time with them showing them a different way.

Epiphany Ministries is the group I work with. It's non-denominational and focuses on helping young men and women who are incarcerated find out who they were created to be, not who the guys on the street corner thinks they should be.

I'm going to be spending the weekend of February 14 - 16 inside the Culpeper (VA) Juvenile Correctional Center (a nice name for a prison) working with about 30 young men, ages 16 to 21, who've lost their way -- or more accurately probably never knew there was another way. It's an intense three-days where we try to show them God's love for them, despite their wrongdoings. And we try to show them that if they start making more mature choices, focusing on the long-term rather than the short, then they can start to achieve and believe in a life which doesn't revolve around gangs and drugs and so on.

If you're familiar with Emmaus or Cursillo, Epiphany is another 4th Day Community. I like to call it Kiddie Kairos. Just for information sake, we have a terrific team of almost 30 adults from across the region participating from Fredericksburg, Warrenton, Falls Church, Bowie, MD, Fairfax and so on.

I need your help. Here it goes (and you know I don't often beg):

1) Prayer. Ask God to come into that center and claim that ground and those young men as his own. Ask God to put the right words in our mouths so that these guys will hear everything they need to hear to start making better choices. Ask God that we're all kept safe during long commutes; safe while we're inside; to keep our families safe; and to keep Satan at bay while we're working in a place he's claimed as his.

2) Cash. To do this, we need financial assistance. No bones about it. We buy Bibles, we buy food, we buy supplies, we buy them each a t-shirt (first birthday gift they've ever usually gotten) -- we have to buy lots of stuff. The state provides us the facility and the "stars".

If you're called to help us, here's how:

Sponsoring a kid for the entire weekend: $50
Sponsoring a Bible for a kid: $25
Sponsoring a dinner for a kid: $10
Sponsoring a lunch for a kid $5
Sponsoring one of the team $85.

Or you can purchase some of the snacks for our "stars". I'm responsible for
1) Big jar of peanut butter
2) 2 litter bottle of Dr Pepper
3) 2 liter bottle of Grape soda
4) 2 liter bottle of Diet Pepsi
5) Case of bottled water
6) Big bottle of ranch dressing
7) Big bottle of hot sauce

We also do community agape (letter only, the rules are VERY SPECIFIC so ask first) for the young men which they really appreciate.

So anything you'd like to help with there would be terrific.

All donations are tax deductible as we're a 501c3 corp or whatever it is. I have receipts I'll send you.

If you'd like to know more, take a look first at the little video here: http://www.epiphanyministry.com/. And feel free to ask. If you EVER want to join me either for one of these weekends, one of the reunion events, or one of our Sunday services at the Fairfax Juvenile Detention Center, let me know. There's always room!

Also, if you're curious, I'll post some of my blogs from the last time I went and I'll try to update you all on here with what's going on as the weekend approaches and during the weekend. It's pretty amazing to see what God's got in store.

So thanks for taking the time out to read and if you can support in any way, let me know!

Thanks!!!!

And many blessings!

PS If you want to send a check, make it out to Epiphany Ministry Inc and send to me Butch Kinerney, 13150 Morning Spring Lane, Fairfax VA 22033 and I'll send you a receipt.