So I’m tempted (seriously) to blow off writing tonight. I’m beat tired after another very long day helping to coordinate another very long day of folks ministering to juvenile offenders who are now in state custody. And not everything went perfectly, which you may have noticed frustrates the life out of me sometimes. So today was filled with mixed emotions. Extreme high-highs and very low-lows. The negative emotions are all in some way related to me or my reactions to things which occurred over the weekend. But while this blog is by me, it’s not about me. So I’m going to focus on what I should be focusing on – what God’s doing in that facility – and not focus on what’s of limited long-term importance: me.

I usually try to relate the day to a song of some kind, as I love music – even though my only talent in a band might be playing strobe light. But I haven’t found one yet that really strikes a chord. So if one hits, then I’ll mention it later. That's why this entry remains untitled.

This weekend ended on a spiritual and emotional high for most of the Stars, even though we all agreed that this weekend’s group was rowdier than most. We experienced more disciplinary issues this weekend than in the past, and the young men just seemed more agitated in general. Culpeper’s Volunteer Coordinator, a fantastic state employee named Sara who worked very hard on our behalf to make the weekend go smoothly, said October was “Gang Initiation Month.” I asked jokingly if that was officially designated. “I don’t think so, but everyone around here certainly knows it.”

But in spite of the unofficial October designation, God was having an impact on the Stars.

“I just want to thank you all,” said one Star to the other Stars, “for letting your guard down a little bit here, for not having to act all gangster, for just being cool with each other.”

Another said, “I came in here this weekend not speaking to (another Star). Now we’re getting along and we might be able to continue that.”

I neglected to mention yesterday, my favorite event of the weekend, the Birthday Party where we take about 45 minutes to celebrate each kid’s birth with a little party, a cake with their name on it, some ice cream, streamers, a birthday card and a t-shirt in a gift bag. It’s always amazing, especially for the kids who have never had a party in their honor, or anyone to sing them “Happy Birthday,” or have never been given a gift without strings attached. Unfortunately, there are way too many kids in Culpeper to whom this applies.

During the party, we have dance music playing and many of the kids get up to dance, and often the adults join in. The first time I saw this, I could swear I saw the Holy Spirit fly right through the room – as the visages of these young men, old beyond their years, turned from sadness to unspeakable joy – all because someone reached out to love them just for being them.

I saw it again yesterday. And even now, it takes my breath away.

And seeing my friend Chuck Russell get chanted into dancing down the center aisle between two lines of clapping Stars and Teamers is beyond priceless. If you know Chuck, you’ll know why that’s funny.

Years ago, on Culpeper Epiphany 11, I was blessed to have a young man named “M” at my table. He also goes by “Z” and I wrote about him frequently during that Epiphany and subsequently. He’s an extraordinarily bright and articulate young man, thoughtful, kind, and wise beyond his years – both in a street-wise sense, but also in an old soul sense. I’ve maintained a relationship with him through the years and I will miss him when he goes home in the spring, though we've promised to keep in touch. I'm blessed to know him and to call him my Brother in Christ. Today, M/Z gave a talk to the new Stars. It’s always risky to let a Star give one of the final talks, but in his case, we were pretty confident that he’d do well.

Doing well doesn’t begin to cover it. What a change we’ve seen in M/Z over the years. When we first met him, he was shy, a touch nerdy, and certainly not one who'd get up in front of a crowd to speak. Today, he said how nervous he was, and that he didn't like speaking in public, but he thought he had some things others might learn from. He said he'd believed in God, but he admitted that he’d struggled with his faith when he was told by a judge not long ago that he’d be spending an additional year in prison. He said he wondered where God was for him during this. Why would a loving God make him stay on the inside?

But then he challenged the other Stars (quite effectively) to think differently:

“How many of you know that if you weren’t in here, you’d be dead right now?”

A smattering of hands went up.

“How many of you know that if you’d gotten popped 18 months or two years later, you wouldn’t be here, you’d be at DOC (Department of Corrections – the Adult prison) doing 20 to 30 (years)?”

A large number of hands went up.

“How many of you prayed that you’d get caught and sent to prison when you did?”

No hands.

“How many of you blamed God for getting caught and sent here?”

Some hesitant hands.

“Do you see, that sometimes God doesn’t answer the prayer that you’re praying. Sometimes His plan for you is a whole lot better than your plan for you. Sometimes you just have to trust that His purpose is bigger than yours. I had to re-learn that here recently. You see God put us in here not only to keep us locked in, but also to keep Satan locked out. ”

“My momma is always preaching to me. I hate that,” M/Z said. “But she said this one thing that has stuck with me: A setback ain’t nothing but a set-up for a comeback. God’s got a bigger plan for me and you here.”

Wow.

Our weekend Spiritual Director, and my friend, Reese repeated this thought several times today: You might have done what they said you did. But you aren’t who they say you are.

M/Z is living proof of this, as are so many of the other Stars and Teamers this weekend.

I pray they all heard that message.